Appointed Time

I remember being in my teens and early twenties and feeling like time was standing still.  I remember looking at my watch and thinking how slowly everything seemed to move.  How slow moving my life was and how nothing seemed to be coming to me as I planned.

Now, I sit and an hour can pass me by in a matter of seconds.  Now, I can look at my clock and wonder how I came to the end of the day already.  I am not sure if that is patience or the curse of being young, maybe a little of both.

I haven’t executed patience, but I would like to think that I am better with patience than I was fifteen or twenty years ago.  To think that staying home on a weekend is my choice of recreation, over being out and spending time with my friends.

It is funny how time changes, once you are at the age to finally appreciate it, it seems to become elusive to you.  It seems to fall through your hands like sand, and the moments have now become countable by all the lines on your face, and the grey hairs on your head.

We wear time like a badge of honor but yet, when you are waiting for something valuable, for something from God, time can take you back to that teenager and feeling like a minute, sixty seconds, is actually sixty minutes.

I still deal with time, as we all do, but my understanding of time and my appreciation for time is different now.  But that doesn’t mean that my patience for what I perceive to be God’s slowness has diminished.

In Mark 1:15 the very first line caught me off guard.  The very first line made my stop reading and sit and think how time, the appointed time, still feels very slow.

Mark 1:15 And saying  The (appointed period of) time is fulfilled completed…  This is literally where I stopped.  I didn’t read any farther as I know time is an issue for me and God filled my head with the feelings I had as a young person waiting to be set free for the weekend. 

Appointed period of time.  Appointed Period of Time… APPOINTED PERIOD OF TIME…

We all know that to have an appointed period of time, means an exact time, a time that has already been determined and set.  A time that has been written down, confirmed and is not changing. 

God already has an appointed period of time for your healing, your breakthrough, and your deliverance, or maybe your lesson learned. 

God has that time written down in the transcripts that are our lives.  He knows that on such a day, and at such a time, this will happen and He also knows how painful it is for us to wait for that time.

I am sure that you are believing for something, waiting for something, hoping for something and surely praying for something, and if you are like me, the moments until the appointed time can be extremely taxing and long.

But what if we need all of those moments, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years to be ready for the appointed time.   I know that personally I would absolutely hate for my appointed time to come and I am not prepared for it.   I would hate for the thing I am praying for ,so diligently, would come and here I am not ready to receive it.

What would I or we do then?  How could we go back and make sure we rectify that mistake?  We can’t because it’s an appointed time.  We know that God works in seasons, and He often refers to our seasons as a farmer refers to their fields.  There is the seed time, and harvest time, and then a lot of time in between.

There can be weeks, months, or even years, before a farmer yields a good harvest off of the seeds that he planted, and just like the farmer, we too have a seed time and harvest time, and just like the farmer, it can take an unspecified amount of time.

I don’t think waiting is fun at any age, but waiting on a promise, I think that is even harder.   When we wait we should have the mindset of harvest.  We should be in a season of preparation and praise.  We should be thankful for the opportunity to be prepared for the harvest and use the time wisely to learn what God is showing us and changing us into so we can be ready for the appointed time.

What we need to know and accept, me especially, is that God has an appointed time for a reason.  He isn’t just making us wait, for the fun of watching us squirm.  No, He is making us wait to teach us how to wait on Him.  How to put our focus on Him and how to appreciate the time in-between.

Just as a mother has to wait nine months to meet her child, we must wait the appointed time to receive our blessing. 

There is a rhyme and reason to everything that God does, and will do, and it is up to us, to keep a hold of the vision that He gave us in the beginning and praise Him in the middle.

I have it on good authority, that if I praise God in the middle, in the times I hurt, in the times I have lost patience, and in the times it doesn’t seem like anything is ever going to happen, that I will see His face, His hand, and His blessing in the end.

So while the Appointed Time is not something that we love to hear about, or even think about, it is something that we need to be sure about.  Nothing is going to change God’s appointed time in your life, and we should be thankful and praise Him for knowing us so well, that He knows when it’s time for advancement and when it’s time for learning.

Appointed Time, we will all come to our Appointed Time, but how you wait in the middle, that will show you, who you are, and where you are with God, for your harvest that’s coming at its Appointed Time!

He will walk you through your wilderness!!

This past year has been one of the hardest and most challenging years of my life. I have had huge changes happen this year, none of which I have requested.  Here in a nutshell has been my year. 

I had an unexpected break up.  One of my closest friends, who wore many hats in our relationship such as mother, friend, confidant, colleague and Jesus friend, passed away, very unexpectedly.  I have lost my passion for a career that I have been very blessed to be successful in.  I have had medical issues, and recently, as in two months ago, was diagnosed with MS. 

As you can tell, 2014, has not been my best year, but if I am going to tell you all the bad things, I must tell you all the good things.

My break up has landed me right on my knees and facing God.  My break up has showed me that God has a plan for my life, and has drawn me closer to God than I have ever been before.  My break up has given me a purpose, where before I did not have one.

The passing of my dear, sweet friend, while this one is hard to find a positive in, I know that she is with Jesus and is telling jokes and decorating heaven.  My heart is at peace and my sadness is comforted in knowing I will absolutely see her again. I also have learned that I relied on her heavily in times when I should have been going to God.

While my passion for my job has been weaning, my ability to do my job hasn’t changed, and I thank God that He is still blessing me through my job.  I know and am accepting that I will not be at this job for the rest of my life, because God is opening other doors for me, He is giving me people there to help, in the meantime.  He is showing me ways to share Him with my co-workers, and seeing the many blessings in those moments.

My health, like my friends passing, I am still trying to peel back the layers of this onion.  I do know one thing, My God is a good God.  My God has brought me this far and I know that He will not forsake me and leave me alone.  I also believe, truly from the deepest part of me, He will take care of this disease, and I will either be healed completely or it will be in a remission state.  I know that this MS will not stop God from working in my life, and in the lives of others.

I would think by this time you are wondering why I just went on a rant about my life.  And the reason would be Mark 1:12-13.

Immediately the (Holy) Spirit (from within) drove Him out into the wilderness (desert).  (13) And He stayed in the wilderness (desert) forty days, being tempted (all the while) by satan; and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels ministered to Him (continually).

I knew there was a call on my life for the last three years, if I am being honest, but I never did anything to understand it.  I never prayed about it, never sat in God’s presence and asked about it, nope, I just went along my way.  

As we all know when God wants to do something in your life, He is going to give you only so much time before He makes you surrender.  He will do something, anything to get your attention, and that’s exactly what He did in my life.

I had decided at the end of 2013, in December, that I was going to really dive into this God thing.  I was going to give Jesus more attention in my life, and really try to understand what He was doing in me and around me.  This actually, as odd as it will sound, was inspired from my relationship at the time.  

His family is very connected to God, and their church, and I wanted what they had, and decided I am going to try and get it.

Around this time is when I noticed things, big things, like the things I have mentioned starting to happen.  Changes in me and around me were starting to take place and I didn’t understand at all what was going on. 

God had me doing things, saying things and reading things I never thought I’d do, say or read, and also was not allowing me to do things, read things, say things and watch things. 

I was changing… and quickly I might add.

So when reading Mark 1:12-13 tonight, I thought, this is me!  This is my life.  Just as Jesus had just been baptized in the Holy Spirit by John the Baptist, and was committing His life publicly to God, He is quickly sent into one of the fights of His life.

He was sent into the wilderness, where I have been for the last year, and I am sure some of you have either been, are there now, or will be in the future.   I am sure some of you thought, well I am going to go deeper into this being a Christian thing and deepen my relationship with Jesus and my life should be so much better for it…

WRONG… Well kind of wrong, not completely wrong, but about half wrong.

Being a Christian, and having a deeper relationship with Jesus, isn’t as easy as you think it’s going to be, and why is that?   Because you have to be cleanse of you first.

When you commit yourself to a deeper relationship with God, He is not going to allow you to be the same person that you were when you entered into the relationship, He’s going to change you, and it’s going to hurt!

Now, that’s the truth!  It will hurt! 

But all the work, the tears, the changing and the healing will bring you out on the other side, out of the wilderness of tears, work, lack of sleep, healing and changing, a new person, a changed person, a person ready and able to help other people.

You see, I have found that the reason why I am losing my passion for my job, the only job I’ve ever wanted to do, is because Jesus has given me a new assignment.  He is preparing me for another calling, and the dissatisfying feeling with my job, is God changing my desires. 

He’s preparing me for the promotion.

We have to fight, war and fight some more, when we are in the wilderness times of our lives, but the peace that should be there, is that Jesus not only has done this and succeeded, but He is doing it with you again, right now. 

He is directing your steps through your wilderness, which by the way, doesn’t have to look anything like mine.  Your wilderness will be tailored just for your needs and for the work that God is calling you to do.

In verse thirteen we see that Jesus battled with satan, but was also being ministered to by the Angels.  This is very much like our lives.  We have horrible, life changing things happen in our lives, that we don’t expect or prepare for, but in the same time and space, God is doing a new thing.   He is sending the Angels to minister to you.  To keep you confident in what He is doing and the changes that are happening.

You see God will not strip you clean of yourself overnight, He is a gentleman, and will do it bite by bite.  He will ease you into the changes, so that the pain is less severe and at the same time, He will show you His goodness and mercy.  He will share Himself with you in ways that you have never imagined and they will get you through to the next moment.

The Grace of God not only saves you from Hell and destruction, but it holds your hand while you are in the wilderness of your life.

Mark 1:12-13 should give us hope, that if Jesus could do it, and He did, and come out victorious, than so can we!  Jesus conquered His wilderness, and with His help we can conquer ours. 

We can come out of a bad year, a bad month or a bad season and know that the Angels will be there to minister to us continually!!

 

He will wipe your slate clean!!

We all know the story of Peter in the Bible. Where Peter denied Christ three times, and the hook phrase is that it all happened before the Rooster Crowed.  We all know that story. but have we ever taken a deeper look at that story, and more importantly compared it to your story?

In reading Matthew 26:55-75 you see that story play out.  You see how Peter allowed, all of the things around him, his surroundings, and his emotions get the best of him.

We know Peter to be a deep lover of Jesus.  To be a stringent follower of Jesus, and in fact one of the first disciples.  We know that Peter had a heart for God and believed before he was told, that Jesus is the Son of God.  Peter was one of the first to connect to his spirit, and allow his spirit to deepen his relationship with God, and with Jesus.

Peter, I think is the one anyone would want on their team and I believe that Jesus was very proud of Peter.  Though He knew Peter had faults, but none that couldn’t be overlooked by his teachable heart.

I am sure that Peter was just as amazed, surprised and shocked as we were to find out that he would betray Jesus three times, before the rooster crowed.  I am sure that Peter was certain he would never do such a thing, or even think it, so Jesus must be confused about this one. 

Peter, I am sure, even up until the rooster crowed, was probably grieving inside and amazed that the words denying Jesus even came out of his mouth.  We know that the things in our hearts end up coming out of our mouths, so where even inside of Peter was this denial of Jesus, this rejection of the Man he loved so very much?

I think the truth is hidden in the package.  Peter is a man, a human man.  Peter is able, just like you and me; to sin, lie, be confused, be overwhelmed by our emotions and speak without thinking.  Peter just like us, speaks to protect himself when placed in fear of the unknown.

You see Peter, and the rest of the disciples, were leading a pretty interesting and courageous life, but at the same time pretty cushy, they were following Jesus, so they could expect to be protected, to be shielded and to be safe, while following and learning from Jesus.

They knew that Jesus would meet their needs emotionally, physically and spiritually.  They knew they had nothing to fear, until they did. 

I am positive that when Peter, James and John went with Jesus to pray in Matthew 26 they were confused and probably a little worried to see Jesus in such a state of anguish.  Jesus told them that He was deeply depressed and needed to be alone to seek the Father.

Imagine how that felt to these three men who are used to seeing Jesus as the strong stoic type.  Here he is depressed, saddened and frightened by what lies ahead of Him.  

I am sure just like Peter, any one of us can recall a time when we also denied something or someone out of fear.  We were unsure of what was going to happen to us, and all we knew to do in that moment was save ourselves, and that’s exactly what Peter did.

Now, I am not saying that what Peter did was right, but I am saying, we can learn from what Peter did.  We can learn that when you are put into a high stressful, high fearful and emotionally charged moment, you are not going to be speaking from the overflow of your heart, but from self-preservation.

I believe the three different times we read that Peter denied Christ are the three times that Peter was afraid for his life.  I believe after witnessing Jesus being taken forcefully away from the disciples, and then watching the rest of them flee, Peter was scared.

I believe that when Peter watched them beat, hit, punch, spit on and whip Jesus, Peter was scared.  I also believe that when they sentenced Jesus to death, for doing exactly what Peter had been doing, Peter was very scared.  

All of these emotions, feelings and worries led Peter to speak in a way or manner, even he never imagined he would speak, and he denied Christ.  His best friend,  His Savior, His Teacher, His Mentor, His Provider and the Son of God. 

Can you think of a time when you have done something so bad, or something like this and the pain you felt immediately after.  The pain was so much, that you wanted to invent a time machine to erase the words that had slipped from your mouth, without even filtering through your brain.

I can think of many!                                               

We all can, if we are honest. 

And just like Peter we can’t take them back.  We can’t change the words or actions and make them not happen.  We can’t erase the pain that they caused or repair the fractured hearts that happened in the aftermath.  

All we can do is cry, just as Peter did. 

There are many lessons to be learned from this story of Peter, and the two that stand out to me is, you can never underestimate the power that fear has on you, and the enemy is truly out to kill, steal and destroy.

Personally, I think this was satan, all three times, feeding Peter the words to say to deny Christ, in the hopes that Peter would be finished in serving God.  I believe that satan wanted to do whatever he could to separate Jesus from Peter and Peter from God, but you see, just as we have all seen, and experienced so many times, satan’s trick failed.

Peter did what we all would do in his place, he wallowed in his sadness.  He hung his head in shame, and then didn’t show his face to Jesus when He went on the Cross. Peter did what we all do when we are afraid, he ran.  He ran from himself, from his feelings, from his friends and reverted back to the person he once was. 

Peter went back to fishing!

Have you ever had someone run on you out of fear?  Have you ever run out of fear? I’ve experienced both and both are equally as damaging and painful for both the person running and the person left behind.

The wonderful thing about this story is we can learn from Peter. We can learn to be on guard in those times when we feel overly confident and smug, but also those times when we are extremely insecure and vulnerable.

We are always open for attack from the enemy, but he comes harder, I think, when you are weakened.  When you are vulnerable, or over secure, I think you can expect to see satan try to wipe you out.  He tried with Peter and wasn’t successful! 

Now, we all know why he wasn’t successful and that’s because of our Hero in this story, Jesus.

Jesus shows us exactly how we are to respond to situations like these when they occur in our lives. 

After Jesus was resurrected from the Cross, three days later, He rose again, and upon being seen he directed Mary to go tell the disciples and Peter!

AND PETER!!

You see, Jesus shows us that forgiveness is the only way to match denial.  Forgiveness is the only way to beat anger, rage, lies, denial and the master of all those things, satan.

When Jesus said go tell the disciples and Peter, He was wiping the slate clean.  He was saying to Peter you are still the man that I called and still the man I am calling today.  You are still my friend, and I am still very much with you and teaching you.

Jesus is saying and doing the same things for us today. 

Jesus is saying go tell the disciples and YOU.  There is nothing, no-thing, you can do to make Jesus not love you.  You can deny Him three times, like Peter did, but He will still love you, and still give you another chance.  Jesus will always be standing outside the door asking for you, knocking for you, calling for you. 

Jesus will always be saying go tell the disciples AND YOU…  He’s here waiting for you, be like Peter and come to Him and allow Him to wipe your slate clean!

Your bridegroom is coming!!

My two closest friends are as opposite as you can be.  One was 23 years older than me, and my other best friend is four years younger than me.  They have some things in common.  Both of them are married, both have families, both of them have made decisions in their lives that they wish they could have changed, but truly, don’t we all. 

My two closest friends are part of my family.  They are everything to me.  They are the ones I go to for support, understanding, encouragement and just to talk, but what’s funny is everything from the way we communicate to what we do together, is completely different.

My older friend, she was more like a mother figure to me.  She saw me and made me hers, without my agreement I might add.  We would talk on the phone every day multiple times a day and discuss everything there is to discuss.  I could tell her secrets about myself that only God knows. 

My younger friend is actually my closest friend in the world.  We are tight, but there are things about me that she doesn’t know and I wouldn’t even know how to begin to tell her.  The dynamics of our relationship are different, not any better or worse but different.

My older friend she was always late.  I mean chronically late.  To the point we would schedule a time to get together and have dinner or just talk, and I knew I had twenty-five to thirty minutes to spare before she would arrive.   My older friend passed away this year, and I can tell you now all the times I would get so angry waiting for her, well, I’d wait for her for hours now, without one complaint. 

She ran late with everyone though, not just me, she was always running behind doing something, or most likely doing something for someone else, and lost track of time.  But I will say this about her, I would be angry with her for letting me wait once again, but that quickly would subside because her company was worth the time.

My other friend, wow, she is early and usually ten to fifteen minutes early, so with her I do my best to arrive exactly on time or even a couple minutes before hand.  I know with her I need to tell her if I am running behind, or even if something in my day has changed.  Now, I don’t need to do this because it causes friction or problems between us, but because I know she is always early and I want to respect her time.

My two wonderful friends came to my mind tonight while reading Matthew 25:5.  I had to smile while thinking about how God has blessed me with two wonderful people, but two who couldn’t be more different if they tried. 

In verse Matthew 25 we are beginning the story of the ten virgins and how five of them are foolish and five of them are smart and prepared.   But verse five jumped out at me and spoke the names of my friends to my heart. 

Verse five states While the bridegroom lingered and was slow in coming, they all began nodding their heads, and they fell asleep.

I believe that Jesus was/is the bridegroom in this example and that this verse speaks not only to the story but also to the fact that we will have to wait on Jesus, at different times during our lives.

Jesus doesn’t work on a clock that we can see, hear or feel. Jesus works on the perfect clock.  The clock that operates on Heaven time and the clock that most of the time we feel like it is dragging slowly by.

I am sure, if you are anything like me; it’s hard to wait on Jesus.  It’s hard to know that there are things that you are supposed to do, but you must wait on Jesus to begin them.  I think that’s why verse five was telling to me.  The verse states that the bridegroom lingered, and was slow in coming.

We know that Jesus is the bridegroom in relation to the church, and to our relationships with Him.  We know that He is the head of the church, and He is also the head of our relationships.  We should be following Jesus and not trying to lead Him.

So if you look at this verse from the context of Jesus being the bridegroom, then we see that He will linger and He will be slow in coming.  Jesus, it has been said, and proven, is never late, but He is never early either. 

He knows the beginning from the end, so He knows the perfect time to release something into your life.  He knows the time when all of the moments have come together and it is right for things to come together. 

We are the ones who have problems with Jesus’ time.  We are the ones that don’t understand His timing, or lack thereof, if you ask some of us.

I have said so many times, even so much as last week,  “let’s go Jesus!”  The thing that I have been waiting for you to bring to me, let’s get it going.  I have asked a million questions of why isn’t this time right?  What do I have yet to learn?  And if I have things to learn why can’t I learn them after receiving the promise?

A million questions I have, and only one answer do I receive, and that is Trust Me, Believe in Me, Seek Me.   The way that He answers might be different wording but each and every time He is telling me to wait on Him.   Jesus is always telling me to wait on Him. 

I get angry and frustrated with Jesus, just like I did with my friend when she was late, but just like with her, I get over it.   I have crying fits and moments of woe is me, but at the end, I get over it. 

It states in verse five that the virgins were nodding off and eventually fell asleep.  I think this can speak to us wanting to give up, or having moments like I described earlier. 

These are times when the waiting isn’t so easy.  These are the times when every single second that goes by is like someone peeling your skin away.  The agony of waiting one additional moment for your promise land, is torturing you, and you know that God knows it.

Waiting, waiting patiently, and with a good temperament can be extremely difficult to do, which is why just like the virgins, we fall asleep.  We take our eyes off the road; we take our eyes off of God and what He is doing in our lives.  We take our eyes off of the changes that have occurred in us or around us, all the little things that need to happen for you to enter into the promises of God.

We nod off to the small things,  the little things that God is stitching together to bring you, your bridegroom.  

Then as we see in verse six… Suddenly!

But at midnight there was a shout.  Behold, the bridegroom!  Go out and meet him!

Suddenly, not a moment to early ,or a minute too late, but suddenly.  I have said many times over God is the master of Suddenly!    But you see, He really isn’t the master of suddenly, He is the master of making it appear like suddenly.

It appears like nothing is happening because we have nodded off to the little things, in our time of waiting and then suddenly, the bridegroom is here! 

It isn’t lost on me either, that the bridegroom came at midnight.  He came at the end of a day but the beginning of a new one! 

Many times when your suddenly has come, when Jesus has answered your prayers or you are walking into your promised land, it feels like suddenly, when in fact, if we would have been awake, completely awake, we would have seen all the small things happening around us to make that suddenly appear.

We may think that Jesus is taking His good old time, but in fact, Jesus is working behind the scenes, on your suddenly.

I heard the other day, while I was watching a very well-known Bishop, that when you are waiting on Jesus to deliver on His promises, you will never see anything different with your natural eye sight, but up in Heaven, in the Spirit realm that is where God is working.  

The promise, the victory, the reward, the change, the promotion, the baby, the marriage, the house, the car, the child to come back to God, the healing, all of these things, we won’t see them come together, but they will come to those who believe.  They will arrive at the midnight hour, and we will be awoken with the Bridegroom is here! 

You will never see the webs that God weaves in the Spirit Realm to answer your one prayer.  You will never see how God takes one person’s mess, and gives them a message and deliverance in the meantime.  You will never know that the same person, who was waiting on God, is now the same person who is helping you wait on God.

Your bridegroom is coming, and so is mine, and if we allow Him to linger, and be slow in coming, we can be rest assured that every single second we wait will be worth the suddenly it delivers!!

 

Scripture Fulfilled.

Matthew 26:54 But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that it must come about this way?

This scripture may be an odd thing for me to write about, but this scripture, this verse, is a verse I am struggling with deeply.

The Scriptures can, I believe have many meanings.  They can be a literally meaning, such as the Scriptures in the Bible, but I believe it can also have a looser translation, and can be referring to one’s life.

Now, I am not comparing my life to the Bible, so let’s get that out of the way, but what I am doing is, showing how the word Scripture can be a broader scope than what we tend to give it. 

I think we all have Scriptures for our lives.  Our lives have already been written out for us, the beginning, the middle and the end, and they have been penned by God Himself, so they can be Scriptural.  

So… this verse can be talking personally about your own life.  Your own calling.  Your own walk with God.

I have been struggling with the calling I believe God has put on my life, or has asked me to do for Him, and how this will all come together.   In reading Matthew 26:54 I see that something, or many something’s ,need to happen to bring about the fulfillment of the Scriptures.

In this particular case, the Scripture is being referred to as Jesus’s accent to the Cross.  We are seeing in chapter 26 Judas betray Him and the last meal that He spent with His disciples, and how He called Judas out as the one who was betraying Him.

We see so beautifully that Jesus was deeply troubled and even in 26:37 we see that He (Jesus) began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed. 

Deeply Depressed… Jesus… Deeply Depressed.

Jesus was so moved and pained by what He knew was coming upon Him that He was deeply depressed.  I don’t know about you but truly, that shocked me.  To think of my Lord and Savior, the one who so courageously shed His blood for me, and to think He was deeply depressed, moves me.

Jesus walked with twelve but inside that twelve He had His inner circle.  He had the ones He chose to reveal even more of Himself to than He was to the rest of the world.  He pulled Peter, James and John aside and asked them to come with Him, while He dealt with His emotions.

I would love to stop there and discuss the emotions, and how Jesus dealt with them, but I know that is not my purpose today.  But please don’t overlook that part of the chapter.

He brought them in not only for support, but also for protection, physically and spiritually.  I also believe that He pulled those three out from the rest because He knew that the cup they were going to carry once He was gone was hard, and He wanted to show them, by example, how to deal with their emotions.

On three separate occasions, three separate prayer times, Jesus asked God, His Father, to remove this cup from Him.  To allow the pain and weight of this call to be removed from Him and passed on to another.  Jesus, I believe, begged God to help Him, to release Him from His duties and calling.

But…But.

We also see that each time Jesus called out to God for relief He also followed it up with, but if this is your will.  If this is what you have for me.  I will do it!

Fast forward through a couple verses and we come back to Matthew 26:54  But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must come about this way?

There are many… many times, I have been on my face yelling at God to take this cup from me.  To remove this thorn in my side, as Paul requested, to relieve me of the calling He has put on my life.  

Many times!

He never has.  Just as He didn’t for Jesus, he hasn’t for me.  And I believe the reason why God hasn’t taken away my pain, thorn or cross, is because how will my Scriptures be fulfilled if He did.

We are all called.  We are all chosen.  We are all selected.  The difference, and I am learning this the hard way, is not all of us stand up.  Not all of us accept the calling that has been given to us, and not all of us finish the race.

I truly struggle with this, as I don’t believe I was ever given the chance to say no, nope, I am not going to do this, I am going to continue being me, and live my life without the thorn in my side.  

But you see, neither did Jesus.

Jesus wasn’t given the chance to decide if He was going to save the world.  He just knew.   He knew inside Himself that He was called, chosen and selected.  He knew that His purpose was bigger than Himself.  He knew He was needed, which means that pain that He was feeling was worth the Scriptures being fulfilled.

As I said earlier, we all have burdens, thorns, broken hearts, empty wallets or deeply depressed souls, but we all have also been called, chosen and selected.

We all have a Scripture.  Maybe, well most likely at this point, our stories aren’t gonna make it into the Bible, but that doesn’t make them any less needed or painful.

Granted, I am never going to be an Abraham, David or Paul but I am still called and chosen to be a disciple of God’s.   My Scripture is still needed to help this world find Jesus.  To help people find their Savior.

I might never walk on water like Peter, or bring life back to a dead body like Paul, but I can bring people to Jesus, or bring Jesus to the people.

My Scripture, though it is causing me tremendous pain mentally, spiritually and physically right now, is worth this season, because I know the good that will come from this time, will have an effect on the world.

My life, and yours, will have an effect on the world.  You will leave a ripple behind you, every day of your life, and your ripple or your Scripture is needed!   It’s needed desperately and will be revealed at the right time.

Your Scripture, my Scripture, just like Jesus’s Scripture, will be fulfilled.  We need to lay back, relax, and allow God to take that thorn that’s been stuck in you for years, that anger, that addiction, that hurt, and that abuse, and allow God to turn it into good for the world to see. 

The pain I am going through right now, and the pain you are going through right now, is all happening so one day our Scriptures can also be fulfilled!!

Humility

One of the things I pray often is to be humble, to have a humble heart and to never allow my flesh to take the glory that is God’s.  I never want to allow my flesh to grow, and for my ego to take deeper root, and indulge my flesh with esteem, and grandiose thinking of myself, or my abilities.

I have to work at this though, as it is my natural inclination to get a bit big headed.  I have been competitive all of my life, and have then picked a work field where once again, I am in competition with other people.  I try very hard to not seek glory or the favor of men. 

I like to do my best, I have an inner drive to be number one, but not in the boastful and conceited way.  I have learned that as quickly as your placement has been given, it can be taken away.

I set my own personal goals and when I achieve them, I set higher ones.  But the common thread, the reoccurring theme in all of this is, God.   Like I said I am in a competitive field and that can lead a person to use any means possible, to advance themselves, but not me.  I use God to make my advances.

I knew over fifteen years ago, when I entered into my career that it was going to be God who made me successful, and gave me the ability to do it, and have a career out of it.  I knew that my human abilities were not fitting for a profession where I need to talk to people and sell them on ideas. 

I knew and know this isn’t me, because one, I am not a fan of public speaking; in fact I am rather shy until I get to know you.  I am the person you will see in the corner waiting for someone they know to come and speak with me.  I don’t stray from the pack or my comfort zone, so when I felt like I was being lead into the sales field, I was shocked, as was everyone who knew me.

Today, I am still shy and reserved, until you know me, but I now know and understand that God was planting in me and cultivating in me a seed, I would need for His future plans for my life.

Ego is a dirty word, or can be a dirty word.  People will act like they have it and go overboard with their behavior to compensate for their lack of confidence.  There are some people who have a healthy dose of confidence and ego, but then there are those who have taken their self confidence to another level.

I work with a couple of people who have allowed their egos to reach a very unattractive level.   I think it’s kind of like a God complex, where they think they are close to God in knowledge, ability and success, but little do they know they are receiving their ability from God as well.

I have a “friend” who before he was given a promotion on his job, he was what I would call a healthy self-assured person.  He was confident in his abilities and in making sound fair decisions for the good of everyone.  I would have never in a million years thought this person would end up being exactly what he said he would never be, driven by status and ego.

In reading Matthew 23 tonight we see Jesus talking about the Pharisees and how they are all driven by outward appearances and status.  They enjoy the pomp and circumstance from the people when they are around, and allow themselves to be distanced from what I am sure, they considered people less than them.

Jesus tells us in verse three So observe and practice all they tell you; but do not do what they do, for they preach, but do not practice.

We again, are in the world, but we are not of the world.  We should live in the world, and enjoy some of the worldly pleasures around us, but we should never allow the world to be in us.  The world should never become a substitute for or more important than God.  

I thought it was interesting tonight in reading this that the face of my once close friend flashed before my eyes.  I have been having an incredibly hard time with this new person, and the extreme distaste even being in their presence leaves me.  How the person I once thoroughly enjoyed speaking to, has become a person I avoid at all costs.

I say the power has gone to their heads, and that this new person is not a good look and the old person will be back soon.  Unfortunately, I am starting to believe this is who they have now decided to be.

When we allow our confidence, arrogance, self-conceit to enlarge and grow it will begin to take us over and will then change the impression left on the people around you.

We are to always know that every blessing we have received has come from God, and He has chosen to bless us in that moment.  We should never think that we deserve to be blessed, or esteemed higher than other people. 

We are just people, and our affections and admiration's, while they can be shared amongst each other, should always be focused on God, above.

We see in chapter twenty-three how Jesus has gone to great lengths to make sure we understand the division between us, humans, and God, the one we love.

While yes, God has sent Jesus to this earth to give Him a deeper understanding on the emotions of His people; He has also not blurred the line between His abilities and our own.

God is the omniscient God, He is the Omnipresent God; He is the God of everything and everyone; and for us, to think that we are even circling around the same abilities as He is, well that is when we are getting out of balance and into the works of satan.

If you look at satan while he was still an angel, you will see a being that wanted all the glory for their self.  Satan wanted to have the shine, as me and my best friend like to say.  He wanted the glory for himself that belonged only to God.

When you think about yourself do you find yourself wanting the “shine”?  Are you wanting to make yourself stand out among the rest, and are willing to do so at any cost?

This is not the way that God is calling any of us to act, behave or think!

We see in Matthew 23: 11 He who is greatest among you shall be your servant.

I love it! 

We are to have a serving heart.  We are to allow God to build in us a humble and meek attitude, while giving us the confidence to fulfill the tasks He has laid before us.

Jesus had a serving heart, and we are to embody all that Jesus is, and was, so we too, are to have a serving heart.  We should be seekers of how to advance the kingdom of God, and to bring shine to His name and nature.  We should never allow our own abilities or well doings, to overshadow the goodness of God.

We need to learn to be humble and meek, and seek the kingdom of God and his face, instead of the rewards here on earth.   As the Bible says the rewards here on earth are temporary but the rewards in heaven are for eternity.

We have a decision to make, either we are going to allow God to perfect in us, a humble and meek disposition and allow the glory to be given where it deserves to be, or we will be like my “friend” and be out of balanced in their own sight.

My goal, dream, desire and prayer, is for God to keep my heart open to Him, and the promptings of the Holy Spirit, so I am tender to when I get out of line and am looking for the glory for myself, and my own esteem as opposed to glorifying the One who deserves all the glory, God.

When we allow our hearts to be tender to the whispers of God, we are then allowing our lives to stay in balance, and for the ultimate judge to make sure that we are living a life that will glorify Him and bring people into His kingdom. 

They say you can catch more bees with honey; well you can catch more non-believers with a humble, open, meek and lowly heart.   They will begin to recognize the truth when the truth lives inside of your spirit and actions!

Healing your broken heart

I was not a nice person in High School.  I actually was a very mean, cold hearted, judgmental person, who would let you know exactly who you are and what you should do. 

I am not proud at all of my behavior as teenager or in my early twenties.  I was a really mean person, but more importantly, I was a really broken person.  I was emotionally broken, physically broken, mentally broken, sexually broken and spiritually broken. 

When I say to you I was a broken person, I am speaking truth.

I can also say that I didn’t recognize it, or understand it.  I just knew I wasn’t happy and felt as if I never would be happy. 

I personally tried to drink the emptiness away, the loneliness the feelings of inadequacy that I had felt for as long as I could remember.  I did everything I could to replace that feeling, or to make something else about me more important, more relevant and acceptable, but again, nothing did.

I was probably around sixteen the first time I tried to commit suicide.  I was distraught, and felt like a stranger not only in my family but in my own skin.  I felt like I didn’t belong and that I never would.  I felt like I was never just going to be happy, content, at peace with who I am and what was happening in my life.

I wanted out… I wanted peace, but more than anything I wanted to be loved!

Needless to say the first attempt didn’t take, so they say, and thankfully so, but the ramifications of the attempted suicide were worse than my life before that. 

Now, I was being punished by my mom for trying to kill myself, and note to parents out there, seriously, one of the worst thing you can do to your child who is crying out for help enough, so much so, that ending their life seems like the only way out, is to punish them.   Trust me; they are punishing themselves more than you ever will be able too.

There was a new low.  There was a new shame, a new embarrassment, and oddly enough yes, another failure.  I couldn’t even succeed at ending my life, so the words, the phrases, the rejections and the lack of love must have all happened for a reason, if I can’t even do this right!

This all added to the rage that filled me.  The anger that was ticking inside of me so loudly that it was like a clock in my head counting down every second, of every day.  There was such a void and absence in my life that even I can’t explain, because rarely do I allow myself to feel that dark space.

I was so angry for so many years… I had resentment against everyone for so many years… and I bought into the lies from satan for so many years…

I wasted so many years…

All of these feelings came rushing back to me tonight when I was reading Matthew 22:37-39.   The feelings of not feeling loved, or wanted, not feeling validated in my thoughts or in the dark recesses of my mind understanding why I was feeling the way I felt. 

There was a reason why I felt the way I felt, there is still a reason why I feel the way I feel, but that doesn’t mean it had to be my identity.  It doesn’t have to be my personality; it doesn’t have to be what keeps me chained to the past, without hope of a future.

Matthew 22:37-39 And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect) (38) This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment. (39) And a second is like it; You shall love your neighbor as (you do) yourself.

Imagine how wonderful this would have been to have read, heard or experienced as that young child wishing for death to come and take them.  Imagine, being able to be the person who speaks these words to them, or better yet, shows them.

Words… while they are powerful and are able to change a moment, a lifetime, a story, they also can be empty containers that are just left in the air for you to receive.  They can be empty little messages in a time when you truly need for your words and your actions to align.

Jesus is telling us, as He has always told us, that we are to love the Lord our God with all of our hearts and mind, with everything we have, we should love Him and honor Him.   He should always be first, in everything we do.   From the smallest of things to the largest of things, we should always consider God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. 

Our decisions should not be based on emotions or the way the wind is blowing that day, as we are to be adhering to a higher power.  We are to be following the ways of the One who knows the way, not our emotions.

The second thing we are to do, the next most important thing we are to adhere too, which is referred to as, and a second is like it.  Which is saying that it is similar, it is the same, they share a common thread, and you must do the one so you can do the other?

You must love one another, as you love yourself.

You see why you need to be able to love God with all that you have?  You see why, because you were going to have to love someone else as much as you love yourself.

Now, if you were like me, or like that sixteen to twenty-five year old person I was once, that loving others how you love yourself thing, was going to be hard.  Why you ask? Because, I didn’t love myself, so the anger that I felt, and took out on everyone around me was justified because I was giving them, what I gave myself.

I am a prime example how you can’t do commandment number two; without commandment number one.

When we try to love people, and we don’t feel loved, or valuable, we are going to fail miserably and possible cause more damage than there already was.  We are going to misrepresent God and definitely misrepresent ourselves.

You must understand that you are loved, to some extent.  You must accept that your purpose, your being, your originality, the fact that you are breathing means something. 

There is a reason why you were created!!!!

There is a purpose, a great and wonderful purpose, for you, just the way you are. 

All of the things you hate about yourself, you would like to change about your appearance, or your abilities, God loves.  He gave them to you.

He created you in His image…perfect!

When you are unable to accept any of the statements made above, you are in no shape to give the love that you don’t yet receive away.

One of the things I love about God is the fact that He actually walked His walk.  God wasn’t or isn’t just lip service.  He isn’t the person telling you how you should behave, He is the behavior.  He created the Laws and He has shown us exactly how to do them by giving us Jesus.

Jesus is the love that we are told to love with all of our abilities.  That is Jesus.  Jesus is all of that and so much more.  He is all the goodness in this world.  All of the possibilities, the hope and the blessings that is in this world are Jesus.

When you begin to allow your mind to shut off and your heart to expand enough to understand that this Man, came to earth and died a horrific death for you, worse than any you have ever heard or seen in a movie, and He did it willingly, for you, it’s really hard to not allow that love to shine on you.

It’s hard to not say, wow, if this Man could take the beatings, the lashings, the starvation, the hunger, the ridicule, the mockery, the nakedness, the shame and the list goes on and one, but if He could do all of this, for me… ME, how can I not allow Him to love me!

It’s like the best gift anyone has ever given to you, and you deny it because your mind doesn’t understand why someone would give it to you. 

That’s Jesus!!  He’s the best gift that we ever could have been given, and He is the best gift we ever can receive. 

Jesus took that person I was telling you about, the one that I used to be, and has changed her into the person I am today.  The person who, while still has a long way to go, cries for the pain of others.  Hurts for the hurts of her fellow man, and mourns for the destruction in this dark world.  My spirit aches for the people who don’t know God and for the ones who do, but don’t understand, just like I didn’t understand.

I knew that my life wasn’t good, it wasn’t happy, it wasn’t what it was meant to be, but I didn’t know how to make the changes to feel what I knew I should be feeling.

Now I do…and now I can share that knowledge, and His name is Jesus Christ.

When you allow a little bit of God into your life, you will begin to see the love break through your hard heart.  You will begin to feel worthy again, wanted again, viable again, and loved maybe again, or for the first time.

When you take the time to open your heart up to God, to His son Jesus Christ, you will begin to open your heart up to who you are.  You will tap into the real you, the core you, the person you were destined to be, and it will feel awesome!

I am so happy to know that I am not that angry person anymore.  That young person who thought that ending her life was the best way out, she is gone, and in her place is a person who loves God and learning to love herself.

While I still feel pain, hurt, anger, disappointment, all those things that I have always felt, I know that I am not those things.  I know that my identity is not in those emotions, but my identity is in my Creator, my Father, and my Redeemer and in my God. 

This walk, this journey, this life that we are living, it’s not always easy but I can promise you, if you come to God and place your broken heart into His loving hands, I promise you, He will heal your heart.   He will mend your wounds and He will strengthen your soul.   He will make loving Him easy and in all of this He will make loving other people an easier thing to do as well.