Marriage, that sacred vow...

Marriage has become a hot topic lately, or I should say over the past couple years.  It seems to me the desire for people to be married has dwindled.  It is almost as if the sanctity of marriage is being slowly unraveled. 

I personally didn’t grow up wanting to get married.  Marriage was not something I ever wanted to do.  I had not seen any thriving, strong marriages in my childhood, and the ones that were around me seemed to be very unhappy and destructive.  I made the decision for myself many years ago, actually in my pre-teen years, that I wasn’t going to get married or have any children. 

I was very comfortable with the thought and idea that I would just be single, live with someone, but not rely on each other for our identities or securities.

Oh, how that has changed!                                        

As you can imagine, I didn’t grow up dreaming of a marriage or a wedding.  No, I was the one who grew up dreaming of a successful career, in what, I still was not sure, but I was going to be successful and independent.  I was going to be able to completely take care of myself, and be what I was told, I could never become.

I sit now, that person.  I have become successful in my field.  I have had many job advancements and thankfully, found a career that I enjoy, and with the help of God, am good at.  I got exactly what I wanted for myself as a pubescent kid.  And now that I am all of that, I can say, that’s not what life is about.

Well at least I don’t think that’s what life is about.

In Matthew 19:5-6 Jesus gives us a glimpse into what I believe He thinks life is partly about.   (5) And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? (6) So they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together let not man put asunder (separate).

 You see the Pharisees once again were trying to trip up Jesus with a question on marriage, and if it’s ok for us to divorce for any and every reason.   Jesus gives this very beautiful answer, that if you have been to any wedding, ever, you have heard given in vows over and over again. 

Do you think that when the vows are being exchanged from one another that they take the time to really understand what Jesus meant, when He said that we become one flesh? 

I don’t. 

I think we think it sounds good.  It’s beautiful, connecting and sounds extremely spiritual but I think the actual idea behind what Jesus meant with those two verses are left in the rear view mirror, if ever understood at all.

I personally think that Jesus is using this as an example to say to the Pharisees, and to us, that no, you aren’t supposed to divorce your spouse and why aren’t you to divorce your spouse, because it’s hard to remove something that is part of you.

When Jesus is saying that a man is to leave his father and mother and he is to be united firmly, joined inseparably to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  He is saying this is forever.  That marriage is to be looked at a firm unity where two consenting adults, decide to become one identity. 

If we were to remain the same person we were going into marriage then we would never have to have a ceremony.  We would never need rings, we would never own anything together and we would never need to change our last names.  We could remain independent people in a relationship, but not a marriage.

A marriage is the melting of two individuals into one.  It’s the taking of two independent identities and morphing them into one identity.  It’s becoming a complete unit within the structure of one marriage. 

Marriage is not of convenience.  Marriage is not something you do because you are supposed to.  No, marriage is a gift.  It’s a wonderful opportunity to take the lives that you have independently of each other and bring them under one covenant, under one agreement.

Now, I know this probably sounds like rainbows and sunshine, but I think that marriage isn’t supposed to be something that’s easy.  I don’t think that taking two separate things and making them one, is ever going to be an easy thing, but it is possible, or we wouldn’t be instructed to do so.

When you come to marriage knowing who you are as a complete person, in yourself, but mainly in your relationship to God, and where He exists in the marriage, then I do believe that you can take two people and make them one.  You can create a bond so strong and a need of the other person, so strong that you have become one. 

Marriage is meant to be hard.  Marriage is meant to have peaks and valleys, but marriage is also supposed to last.  Marriage is not something we do for a couple years and then move on to someone else.  Marriage is a lifelong commitment that you are making not only to yourself, but the other person and God.

We were created to be one.  We were created as man and woman to have a unity blessed and ordained by God, and that is marriage.  It’s our protection.  It’s our safety net, and our shield during times when we are not capable of fighting on our own.  It’s knowing that someone else is as committed to this relationship, and promise, as you are.

Marriage is a covenant that is made between you, God and your partner, and to have the fulfillment of the covenant means that divorce isn’t an option.  If we live our lives truly by the characteristics of Jesus and God, and focus on loving someone else as much as we love ourselves, than divorce won’t ever be needed.

If we take a moment to forgive as quickly as we want to be forgiven, and extend ourselves as much as we want things extended to us, divorce, will never be needed. 

If we take the rule, the commandment that Jesus gave us, to love our neighbor more than we love ourselves, divorce will never be needed.   Marriage wasn’t given to us as something temporary, it was given to us as a gift, a blessing, a sacred vow and we need to treat it as such!