Scripture Fulfilled.

Matthew 26:54 But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that it must come about this way?

This scripture may be an odd thing for me to write about, but this scripture, this verse, is a verse I am struggling with deeply.

The Scriptures can, I believe have many meanings.  They can be a literally meaning, such as the Scriptures in the Bible, but I believe it can also have a looser translation, and can be referring to one’s life.

Now, I am not comparing my life to the Bible, so let’s get that out of the way, but what I am doing is, showing how the word Scripture can be a broader scope than what we tend to give it. 

I think we all have Scriptures for our lives.  Our lives have already been written out for us, the beginning, the middle and the end, and they have been penned by God Himself, so they can be Scriptural.  

So… this verse can be talking personally about your own life.  Your own calling.  Your own walk with God.

I have been struggling with the calling I believe God has put on my life, or has asked me to do for Him, and how this will all come together.   In reading Matthew 26:54 I see that something, or many something’s ,need to happen to bring about the fulfillment of the Scriptures.

In this particular case, the Scripture is being referred to as Jesus’s accent to the Cross.  We are seeing in chapter 26 Judas betray Him and the last meal that He spent with His disciples, and how He called Judas out as the one who was betraying Him.

We see so beautifully that Jesus was deeply troubled and even in 26:37 we see that He (Jesus) began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed. 

Deeply Depressed… Jesus… Deeply Depressed.

Jesus was so moved and pained by what He knew was coming upon Him that He was deeply depressed.  I don’t know about you but truly, that shocked me.  To think of my Lord and Savior, the one who so courageously shed His blood for me, and to think He was deeply depressed, moves me.

Jesus walked with twelve but inside that twelve He had His inner circle.  He had the ones He chose to reveal even more of Himself to than He was to the rest of the world.  He pulled Peter, James and John aside and asked them to come with Him, while He dealt with His emotions.

I would love to stop there and discuss the emotions, and how Jesus dealt with them, but I know that is not my purpose today.  But please don’t overlook that part of the chapter.

He brought them in not only for support, but also for protection, physically and spiritually.  I also believe that He pulled those three out from the rest because He knew that the cup they were going to carry once He was gone was hard, and He wanted to show them, by example, how to deal with their emotions.

On three separate occasions, three separate prayer times, Jesus asked God, His Father, to remove this cup from Him.  To allow the pain and weight of this call to be removed from Him and passed on to another.  Jesus, I believe, begged God to help Him, to release Him from His duties and calling.

But…But.

We also see that each time Jesus called out to God for relief He also followed it up with, but if this is your will.  If this is what you have for me.  I will do it!

Fast forward through a couple verses and we come back to Matthew 26:54  But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must come about this way?

There are many… many times, I have been on my face yelling at God to take this cup from me.  To remove this thorn in my side, as Paul requested, to relieve me of the calling He has put on my life.  

Many times!

He never has.  Just as He didn’t for Jesus, he hasn’t for me.  And I believe the reason why God hasn’t taken away my pain, thorn or cross, is because how will my Scriptures be fulfilled if He did.

We are all called.  We are all chosen.  We are all selected.  The difference, and I am learning this the hard way, is not all of us stand up.  Not all of us accept the calling that has been given to us, and not all of us finish the race.

I truly struggle with this, as I don’t believe I was ever given the chance to say no, nope, I am not going to do this, I am going to continue being me, and live my life without the thorn in my side.  

But you see, neither did Jesus.

Jesus wasn’t given the chance to decide if He was going to save the world.  He just knew.   He knew inside Himself that He was called, chosen and selected.  He knew that His purpose was bigger than Himself.  He knew He was needed, which means that pain that He was feeling was worth the Scriptures being fulfilled.

As I said earlier, we all have burdens, thorns, broken hearts, empty wallets or deeply depressed souls, but we all have also been called, chosen and selected.

We all have a Scripture.  Maybe, well most likely at this point, our stories aren’t gonna make it into the Bible, but that doesn’t make them any less needed or painful.

Granted, I am never going to be an Abraham, David or Paul but I am still called and chosen to be a disciple of God’s.   My Scripture is still needed to help this world find Jesus.  To help people find their Savior.

I might never walk on water like Peter, or bring life back to a dead body like Paul, but I can bring people to Jesus, or bring Jesus to the people.

My Scripture, though it is causing me tremendous pain mentally, spiritually and physically right now, is worth this season, because I know the good that will come from this time, will have an effect on the world.

My life, and yours, will have an effect on the world.  You will leave a ripple behind you, every day of your life, and your ripple or your Scripture is needed!   It’s needed desperately and will be revealed at the right time.

Your Scripture, my Scripture, just like Jesus’s Scripture, will be fulfilled.  We need to lay back, relax, and allow God to take that thorn that’s been stuck in you for years, that anger, that addiction, that hurt, and that abuse, and allow God to turn it into good for the world to see. 

The pain I am going through right now, and the pain you are going through right now, is all happening so one day our Scriptures can also be fulfilled!!

Humility

One of the things I pray often is to be humble, to have a humble heart and to never allow my flesh to take the glory that is God’s.  I never want to allow my flesh to grow, and for my ego to take deeper root, and indulge my flesh with esteem, and grandiose thinking of myself, or my abilities.

I have to work at this though, as it is my natural inclination to get a bit big headed.  I have been competitive all of my life, and have then picked a work field where once again, I am in competition with other people.  I try very hard to not seek glory or the favor of men. 

I like to do my best, I have an inner drive to be number one, but not in the boastful and conceited way.  I have learned that as quickly as your placement has been given, it can be taken away.

I set my own personal goals and when I achieve them, I set higher ones.  But the common thread, the reoccurring theme in all of this is, God.   Like I said I am in a competitive field and that can lead a person to use any means possible, to advance themselves, but not me.  I use God to make my advances.

I knew over fifteen years ago, when I entered into my career that it was going to be God who made me successful, and gave me the ability to do it, and have a career out of it.  I knew that my human abilities were not fitting for a profession where I need to talk to people and sell them on ideas. 

I knew and know this isn’t me, because one, I am not a fan of public speaking; in fact I am rather shy until I get to know you.  I am the person you will see in the corner waiting for someone they know to come and speak with me.  I don’t stray from the pack or my comfort zone, so when I felt like I was being lead into the sales field, I was shocked, as was everyone who knew me.

Today, I am still shy and reserved, until you know me, but I now know and understand that God was planting in me and cultivating in me a seed, I would need for His future plans for my life.

Ego is a dirty word, or can be a dirty word.  People will act like they have it and go overboard with their behavior to compensate for their lack of confidence.  There are some people who have a healthy dose of confidence and ego, but then there are those who have taken their self confidence to another level.

I work with a couple of people who have allowed their egos to reach a very unattractive level.   I think it’s kind of like a God complex, where they think they are close to God in knowledge, ability and success, but little do they know they are receiving their ability from God as well.

I have a “friend” who before he was given a promotion on his job, he was what I would call a healthy self-assured person.  He was confident in his abilities and in making sound fair decisions for the good of everyone.  I would have never in a million years thought this person would end up being exactly what he said he would never be, driven by status and ego.

In reading Matthew 23 tonight we see Jesus talking about the Pharisees and how they are all driven by outward appearances and status.  They enjoy the pomp and circumstance from the people when they are around, and allow themselves to be distanced from what I am sure, they considered people less than them.

Jesus tells us in verse three So observe and practice all they tell you; but do not do what they do, for they preach, but do not practice.

We again, are in the world, but we are not of the world.  We should live in the world, and enjoy some of the worldly pleasures around us, but we should never allow the world to be in us.  The world should never become a substitute for or more important than God.  

I thought it was interesting tonight in reading this that the face of my once close friend flashed before my eyes.  I have been having an incredibly hard time with this new person, and the extreme distaste even being in their presence leaves me.  How the person I once thoroughly enjoyed speaking to, has become a person I avoid at all costs.

I say the power has gone to their heads, and that this new person is not a good look and the old person will be back soon.  Unfortunately, I am starting to believe this is who they have now decided to be.

When we allow our confidence, arrogance, self-conceit to enlarge and grow it will begin to take us over and will then change the impression left on the people around you.

We are to always know that every blessing we have received has come from God, and He has chosen to bless us in that moment.  We should never think that we deserve to be blessed, or esteemed higher than other people. 

We are just people, and our affections and admiration's, while they can be shared amongst each other, should always be focused on God, above.

We see in chapter twenty-three how Jesus has gone to great lengths to make sure we understand the division between us, humans, and God, the one we love.

While yes, God has sent Jesus to this earth to give Him a deeper understanding on the emotions of His people; He has also not blurred the line between His abilities and our own.

God is the omniscient God, He is the Omnipresent God; He is the God of everything and everyone; and for us, to think that we are even circling around the same abilities as He is, well that is when we are getting out of balance and into the works of satan.

If you look at satan while he was still an angel, you will see a being that wanted all the glory for their self.  Satan wanted to have the shine, as me and my best friend like to say.  He wanted the glory for himself that belonged only to God.

When you think about yourself do you find yourself wanting the “shine”?  Are you wanting to make yourself stand out among the rest, and are willing to do so at any cost?

This is not the way that God is calling any of us to act, behave or think!

We see in Matthew 23: 11 He who is greatest among you shall be your servant.

I love it! 

We are to have a serving heart.  We are to allow God to build in us a humble and meek attitude, while giving us the confidence to fulfill the tasks He has laid before us.

Jesus had a serving heart, and we are to embody all that Jesus is, and was, so we too, are to have a serving heart.  We should be seekers of how to advance the kingdom of God, and to bring shine to His name and nature.  We should never allow our own abilities or well doings, to overshadow the goodness of God.

We need to learn to be humble and meek, and seek the kingdom of God and his face, instead of the rewards here on earth.   As the Bible says the rewards here on earth are temporary but the rewards in heaven are for eternity.

We have a decision to make, either we are going to allow God to perfect in us, a humble and meek disposition and allow the glory to be given where it deserves to be, or we will be like my “friend” and be out of balanced in their own sight.

My goal, dream, desire and prayer, is for God to keep my heart open to Him, and the promptings of the Holy Spirit, so I am tender to when I get out of line and am looking for the glory for myself, and my own esteem as opposed to glorifying the One who deserves all the glory, God.

When we allow our hearts to be tender to the whispers of God, we are then allowing our lives to stay in balance, and for the ultimate judge to make sure that we are living a life that will glorify Him and bring people into His kingdom. 

They say you can catch more bees with honey; well you can catch more non-believers with a humble, open, meek and lowly heart.   They will begin to recognize the truth when the truth lives inside of your spirit and actions!

Healing your broken heart

I was not a nice person in High School.  I actually was a very mean, cold hearted, judgmental person, who would let you know exactly who you are and what you should do. 

I am not proud at all of my behavior as teenager or in my early twenties.  I was a really mean person, but more importantly, I was a really broken person.  I was emotionally broken, physically broken, mentally broken, sexually broken and spiritually broken. 

When I say to you I was a broken person, I am speaking truth.

I can also say that I didn’t recognize it, or understand it.  I just knew I wasn’t happy and felt as if I never would be happy. 

I personally tried to drink the emptiness away, the loneliness the feelings of inadequacy that I had felt for as long as I could remember.  I did everything I could to replace that feeling, or to make something else about me more important, more relevant and acceptable, but again, nothing did.

I was probably around sixteen the first time I tried to commit suicide.  I was distraught, and felt like a stranger not only in my family but in my own skin.  I felt like I didn’t belong and that I never would.  I felt like I was never just going to be happy, content, at peace with who I am and what was happening in my life.

I wanted out… I wanted peace, but more than anything I wanted to be loved!

Needless to say the first attempt didn’t take, so they say, and thankfully so, but the ramifications of the attempted suicide were worse than my life before that. 

Now, I was being punished by my mom for trying to kill myself, and note to parents out there, seriously, one of the worst thing you can do to your child who is crying out for help enough, so much so, that ending their life seems like the only way out, is to punish them.   Trust me; they are punishing themselves more than you ever will be able too.

There was a new low.  There was a new shame, a new embarrassment, and oddly enough yes, another failure.  I couldn’t even succeed at ending my life, so the words, the phrases, the rejections and the lack of love must have all happened for a reason, if I can’t even do this right!

This all added to the rage that filled me.  The anger that was ticking inside of me so loudly that it was like a clock in my head counting down every second, of every day.  There was such a void and absence in my life that even I can’t explain, because rarely do I allow myself to feel that dark space.

I was so angry for so many years… I had resentment against everyone for so many years… and I bought into the lies from satan for so many years…

I wasted so many years…

All of these feelings came rushing back to me tonight when I was reading Matthew 22:37-39.   The feelings of not feeling loved, or wanted, not feeling validated in my thoughts or in the dark recesses of my mind understanding why I was feeling the way I felt. 

There was a reason why I felt the way I felt, there is still a reason why I feel the way I feel, but that doesn’t mean it had to be my identity.  It doesn’t have to be my personality; it doesn’t have to be what keeps me chained to the past, without hope of a future.

Matthew 22:37-39 And He replied to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect) (38) This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment. (39) And a second is like it; You shall love your neighbor as (you do) yourself.

Imagine how wonderful this would have been to have read, heard or experienced as that young child wishing for death to come and take them.  Imagine, being able to be the person who speaks these words to them, or better yet, shows them.

Words… while they are powerful and are able to change a moment, a lifetime, a story, they also can be empty containers that are just left in the air for you to receive.  They can be empty little messages in a time when you truly need for your words and your actions to align.

Jesus is telling us, as He has always told us, that we are to love the Lord our God with all of our hearts and mind, with everything we have, we should love Him and honor Him.   He should always be first, in everything we do.   From the smallest of things to the largest of things, we should always consider God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. 

Our decisions should not be based on emotions or the way the wind is blowing that day, as we are to be adhering to a higher power.  We are to be following the ways of the One who knows the way, not our emotions.

The second thing we are to do, the next most important thing we are to adhere too, which is referred to as, and a second is like it.  Which is saying that it is similar, it is the same, they share a common thread, and you must do the one so you can do the other?

You must love one another, as you love yourself.

You see why you need to be able to love God with all that you have?  You see why, because you were going to have to love someone else as much as you love yourself.

Now, if you were like me, or like that sixteen to twenty-five year old person I was once, that loving others how you love yourself thing, was going to be hard.  Why you ask? Because, I didn’t love myself, so the anger that I felt, and took out on everyone around me was justified because I was giving them, what I gave myself.

I am a prime example how you can’t do commandment number two; without commandment number one.

When we try to love people, and we don’t feel loved, or valuable, we are going to fail miserably and possible cause more damage than there already was.  We are going to misrepresent God and definitely misrepresent ourselves.

You must understand that you are loved, to some extent.  You must accept that your purpose, your being, your originality, the fact that you are breathing means something. 

There is a reason why you were created!!!!

There is a purpose, a great and wonderful purpose, for you, just the way you are. 

All of the things you hate about yourself, you would like to change about your appearance, or your abilities, God loves.  He gave them to you.

He created you in His image…perfect!

When you are unable to accept any of the statements made above, you are in no shape to give the love that you don’t yet receive away.

One of the things I love about God is the fact that He actually walked His walk.  God wasn’t or isn’t just lip service.  He isn’t the person telling you how you should behave, He is the behavior.  He created the Laws and He has shown us exactly how to do them by giving us Jesus.

Jesus is the love that we are told to love with all of our abilities.  That is Jesus.  Jesus is all of that and so much more.  He is all the goodness in this world.  All of the possibilities, the hope and the blessings that is in this world are Jesus.

When you begin to allow your mind to shut off and your heart to expand enough to understand that this Man, came to earth and died a horrific death for you, worse than any you have ever heard or seen in a movie, and He did it willingly, for you, it’s really hard to not allow that love to shine on you.

It’s hard to not say, wow, if this Man could take the beatings, the lashings, the starvation, the hunger, the ridicule, the mockery, the nakedness, the shame and the list goes on and one, but if He could do all of this, for me… ME, how can I not allow Him to love me!

It’s like the best gift anyone has ever given to you, and you deny it because your mind doesn’t understand why someone would give it to you. 

That’s Jesus!!  He’s the best gift that we ever could have been given, and He is the best gift we ever can receive. 

Jesus took that person I was telling you about, the one that I used to be, and has changed her into the person I am today.  The person who, while still has a long way to go, cries for the pain of others.  Hurts for the hurts of her fellow man, and mourns for the destruction in this dark world.  My spirit aches for the people who don’t know God and for the ones who do, but don’t understand, just like I didn’t understand.

I knew that my life wasn’t good, it wasn’t happy, it wasn’t what it was meant to be, but I didn’t know how to make the changes to feel what I knew I should be feeling.

Now I do…and now I can share that knowledge, and His name is Jesus Christ.

When you allow a little bit of God into your life, you will begin to see the love break through your hard heart.  You will begin to feel worthy again, wanted again, viable again, and loved maybe again, or for the first time.

When you take the time to open your heart up to God, to His son Jesus Christ, you will begin to open your heart up to who you are.  You will tap into the real you, the core you, the person you were destined to be, and it will feel awesome!

I am so happy to know that I am not that angry person anymore.  That young person who thought that ending her life was the best way out, she is gone, and in her place is a person who loves God and learning to love herself.

While I still feel pain, hurt, anger, disappointment, all those things that I have always felt, I know that I am not those things.  I know that my identity is not in those emotions, but my identity is in my Creator, my Father, and my Redeemer and in my God. 

This walk, this journey, this life that we are living, it’s not always easy but I can promise you, if you come to God and place your broken heart into His loving hands, I promise you, He will heal your heart.   He will mend your wounds and He will strengthen your soul.   He will make loving Him easy and in all of this He will make loving other people an easier thing to do as well.

 

Trust, Faith and Believing is your Foundation!

Do you believe God?  Maybe I should start by asking do you believe in God.  Do you believe that God sent His son to die for your sins, and mine?  Do you believe that you have the ability to accept this free gift and enter into eternity with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit? 

Do you believe in heaven?  Do you even believe in yourself?

Some of these questions can be difficult questions to face, acknowledge, and then answer but I believe all of these questions rest on the shoulders of each other.

There has to be a base to life, a solid foundation, and so is the same thing with your faith, there has to be a base, a solid foundation.  You must have a footing, a hard surface, a rock to build your foundation upon, or your structure will crumble.

For many of us, this can be a hard thing to surrender to, because we have foolishly believed that we are in control of our lives, and please highlight the foolish part.  We seem to forget or disconnect from the idea that there is a savior guiding us into being.  That there is a supreme being that is calling the shots, not just for us, but for everyone and thing around us.

Our lives, our worth, our value and our purpose is connected to our foundation, and to what is our foundation.  If your foundation is in yourself, your works, or what you can achieve, than you are bound to fail, and your structure is doomed to fall apart. 

The unraveling might not be quickly, it might not happen overnight, but trust me, it will happen.   When you put your faith and trust in yourself, in your own abilities you are closing the door to the one who truly has given your life. 

It says in the Bible that man will not live by bread alone, but on every word that comes out of the mouth of God.  (Matthew 4:4)  When you live your life based on yourself, your own abilities, you are living on bread, you are trying to live a fulfilled life on one thing, and it takes so much more to make a whole person than bread alone. 

But when you build your life, your faith, your belief system on God and every word that comes out of His mouth, than you are living a full life, you are building your life upon the rock, the solid foundation.  When you build your life upon the sand, your life will be washed away by the tides, but when you build your life upon the solid rock, that is your God, you are building your life upon a firm foundation that will withstand the tides and the storms.

This to me is all based on your foundation, and your foundation; I believe is where your faith and belief systems lie.  When you have the trust in yourself, than you will crumble eventually, but when we place our belief and trust in God, we are sure to prevail and live an abundant life.

In Matthew 21:21-22 Scriptures, I am sure we are all familiar with to some extent; we see the authority we hold when we place our trust and faith in God.

(21) And Jesus answer them, Truly I say to you, if you have faith ( a firm relying trust) and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to this fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, Be taken up and cast into the sea, it will be done.  (22) And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and (really) believing you will receive.

These two verses are life giving verses, they are encouraging words and truths that we need to hear and understand daily, but we need them to hold the power that they do, and not just let the words fill us for a moment, and then fall to the wayside.

These words are telling us that we have the ability to do and withstand anything that comes against us, because we have our faith in God and not in ourselves, or our fellow man.  Jesus is saying that no matter what fear, worry, storm or pressing life issue is happening as long as you stay tethered and adhere to the faith that God has given to you, you will be able to defeat it.  You will rise and you will overcome because you can speak to a mountain, in faith, and tell that mountain to move and it shall be done.

Can you imagine saying to that mountain, or mole hill, in your life be gone, and it flees you?  Can you imagine the authority and confidence you would have in your God to see things like that happen?   Well I am sure you have, and I am sure if you take some time to think you can bring to memory the mountains and storms that you have taken the authority given to you, through Faith, from Jesus and have conquered them. 

When we understand, and rest, in the power we have in the Blood of Jesus, we have the ability to do anything and ask for anything.  Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and (really) believing you will receive. 

I don’t believe that we truly grasp, myself included, the sheer magnitude and strength that Jesus has given to us.  This is where we start to build our foundation, these are the roots that need to be formed and deepened in our lives so that we can speak the verses in Matthew and know in our hearts these things are true, and will happen for me, and for you.

When you allow God’s words to take root and sprout in your heart, spirit and soul you are not living by bread alone, but by every word that comes from God.  You are placing your trust and faith in Him and His word and not in yourself or your abilities. 

You are building your life upon the rock and not the sand.  These verses, though you might not see it, to me are the verses we need to build our lives around.  These verses are the foundation of our faith and the foundation of our lives.  They give us hope, life, speak truth and give us the authority we need to live a victorious life.

Jesus died on the cross to give us life,  life in abundance, to the full, till it overflows and these verses, I believe, are the foundation to the well of living water that Jesus has for us, if only we believe and have faith in them!!

 

Eyesight

I wear contacts and or glasses.  I wouldn’t say my eyesight it horrible, but I do rely on the help I receive from my glasses or contacts to help perfect my vision. 

It wouldn’t really be wise of me to drive without my glasses, it actually would be very dangerous to not only me but to the other people on the road.  

Every year I go to my eye doctor to have my vision checked, and to make sure my eyes are healthy and still working properly.  I go to make sure that everything is in order and to get new contacts and glasses.  This has become a habit for me, something that I need to function safely and properly in my everyday life.

We need to do the same thing for our spiritual vision as well.  

In Matthew 20:30-34 we read about two blind men who are asking for help from Jesus, to be healed. 

(30) And behold, two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was passing by, they cried out, Lord, have pity and mercy on us, (You) Son of David!  (31) The crowds reproved them and told them to keep still; but they cried our all the more, Lord, have pity and mercy on us, (You) Son of David! (32) And Jesus stopped and called them, and asked, What do you want Me to do for you? (33) They answered Him, Lord, we want our eyes to be opened! (34) And Jesus, in pity, touched their eyes; and instantly they received their sight and followed Him.

Amazing isn’t it?  Jesus took His time to heal two more people who were waiting for Him and His healing power.  They were in His path and on His travels, but they didn’t place themselves there, they were divinely placed in the path of Jesus, to receive their healing.

Now, I don’t want to take anything, not one ounce of glory, from these verses or the abilities that Jesus has, but I read this story differently, or should I say God revealed this story to me in a different way.

To me, yes, the men were blind, in need of a savior, and of healing, and Jesus is definitely where we find all of those things, and oh so much more.   But what if we are reading this in a literal sense and not in a spiritual sense.

I believe that there is a second meaning, a second instruction, a deeper truth to these verses.  I believe that we are to start looking at life not through the eyes that we have naturally, in our earthly bodies, but we are to be looking at life through our spiritual eyes. 

Did you ever stop to think that there are many stories in the Bible of Jesus healing blind people, why do the healing of blind men out weight the stories of healing in general? 

I think it’s because we are spiritually blind.  I think it’s because yes, we have sight with our eyes, and thank God for it, but we are limited in our view, because that’s the only sight we are using.  We are using or limiting ourselves to the natural eyesight, when we should be using both.

When you receive Jesus, you receive all that He is, so we receive His spiritual eyesight as well.  We receive the ability to see things as He sees them, not as our natural sight limits us to see.

Here is an example from my own life.  I had decided that it was time for me to date again, after my last relationship had ended.  I had taken the time I needed to heal, learn and change, as to not make the same mistakes again.  I had prayed and received prayer for my decision and not long after met someone who, naturally, was not someone that I would have been interested in. 

We had many things that were not I common, but one thing that was, and that was God.  We had that connection from the beginning.  I believe that God allowed me to see this man with His eyesight, and not my own.  If I would have viewed him from my eyesight, I would not have continued along my journey, but God stopped me and allowed me to see the man He is making him into, instead of the broken man he already is.

This actually has happened many times in my life.  God has placed people in front of me that the world rejects, or they have a horrible reputation, and I am almost always warned about these people and how they will hurt me, but yet, God reveals a different person to me. 

God will take those people and allow me to see them with the eyes that He sees them with.  He takes the things that are wonderful about each one of them individually, and allows those things to be the things that are magnified to me, the things that I see and appreciate in them, and the bad things, that yes, they are there, He dims them so that I am not able to see them.

I believe God does this because He wants to work through me to help heal these people, or to show them love and respect that other people have not given them.  I love that God has given me this eyesight, this ability to see Him in people, but at times it has caused me a lot of heartache and pain.

To me this is what the verses in Matthew 20 are telling us.  Yes, we have vision and are not blind physically, but we are blind spiritually.  We are blind because we haven’t received the healing, the touch, the acceptance or ability, to see people as Jesus sees people. 

To see who Jesus is making them into, instead of who the enemy has tried to convince them they are. 

To me the enemy is represented in verse 31, where we see that the crowd tried to keep them silent and still.  The crowd tried to stop them from chasing after Jesus, to receive their healing.  The enemy will do the same thing to each of us.  The enemy will put drugs, sex, alcohol, money, power, fear or a number of other things, in your path to keep your eyesight on only the things that are seen. 

The enemy will limit your view of your surroundings, or who you have/are becoming to keep you in the box of self-hate, condemnation and pain.  To keep you from seeking Jesus and surrendering your life, and vision over to Him.   But just as we see in verse 31 where the blind men cried out all the more, we too should cry out all the more. 

We too should continue to cry out for the savior, the healing, that touch from Jesus that we all need, and as we have seen many times in the Bible, Jesus will be there, to deliver, just that.

Verse 32 And Jesus stopped and called them, and asked, What do you want Me to do for you? 

Jesus is already doing this with you. 

Jesus is already stopping and heeding your prayer and your call and asking what can I do for you?  

You see many times, we say Jesus is lost, or God is hiding His face from us, when in fact it’s the crowds around us that are keeping us distant.  It’s the enemy keeping us in a box that shields our views, it’s our sin that has not allowed us to think we deserve Jesus, but we do, you do.

Jesus answered their cries, Jesus answered them in their time of need, and He will do the same for you.  We see in verse 34 And Jesus, in pity, touched their eyes; and instantly they received their sight and followed Him.

Instantly they received their sight, instantly! 

The ability, the healing, the salvation or the sight, is all there, we just need to receive it.  Jesus has never let us down, Jesus has never chosen to not heal you in your time of need, No, Jesus has always been there but maybe our limited eyesight hasn’t allowed us to see Him.

I believe these verses, while yes, they are about healing physically,  I think they speak of healing that is needed spiritually.   When you make the decision to open your heart to Jesus, to accept Him as the Lord and Savior of your life, your spirit is instantly cleansed and made right.  You are immediately washed with the blood of Jesus.  The Blood of Jesus, takes every poor decision you've made, every mistake, every sin, even the ones you don't allow yourself to remember, and removes them.  The Blood washes our stained souls clean, and then He remembers them no more. 

This is for everyone… There are no qualifications for the person, the only things you have to do are believe and receive. 

Believe that Jesus died on the cross for you, for your sins, and that He rose three days later and is seated in heaven at the right hand of God.  You just have to believe those things and then receive the amazing gift that Jesus gave to you, when He shed His blood on the cross for you. 

With each drop of blood that was shed for you,  your sins were forgiven and washed away.  With each tear He shed, was an eye opened, and was a heart softened for Him; was an addiction healed.   We just need to receive the precious gift that He gave.

Just as the two men were calling on Jesus to heal them from their blindness, Jesus is calling on us, to give us that healing.  God wants us to have the perfect sight that He has.  He wants us to be able to see the life around us the way that He sees it, and the only way for that to happen, is for our spirits to be healed and made clean, and that’s through the Blood of Jesus Christ.

Make the decision today to receive Him and His ability to heal you, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually.  Allow God to open your eyes spiritually to the beauty of all people and begin, as I have, to see them as God sees them, not as the world sees them!   

Broken and Poured

Matthew 26: 26-28 Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread and, praising god, gave thanks and asked Him to bless it to their use, and when He had broken it, He gave it to the disciples and said, Take, eat; this is My body (27) And He took a cup, and when He had given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, Drink of it, all of you; (28) For this is My blood of the new covenant, Which is being poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

These are two verses we are all aware of, we are aware of the last supper and we are also aware of the sacrament that Jesus gave us, in dying on the cross.  Many times in church we take something that is called communion, which is to give praise and thanksgiving to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all, and also, to remember Jesus, and the Man that He is.

These are just some of the things that we are aware of and have been taught from these verses, but in reading them tonight, I received something else in my spirit; there was a new understanding or new depth to them.

Hopefully, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to bring some insight to what I have been given. 

I have highlighted in Red two words out of these verses broken and poured.  These two words had meaning and revelation for me tonight in reading scripture I have become very aware of.

To me these two words explain what we have to do before, and slightly after, we receive Christ and then what Christ does, upon receiving Him, in our hearts and lives.

I would have considered myself a broken person, and some days I believe I am still broken, just not completely anymore.  But to me I was damaged, I was broken, tainted in a way, and there was never anything that was going to be able to repair, or repay me for the things that had happened to me in my past.

I always believed in God, and have been saved (technically) since my early childhood years, I would estimate around ten, but even that wasn’t enough to repair my broken heart or soul.   

I didn’t realize until I was in my twenties, and really accepted it in my thirties, that I needed a savior, not just the words, and belief that God exists, that Jesus died for me, because I had all of that taken care of, but I needed some serious help!!

I needed someone to save me because my years of trying to either mask, cover or numb the brokenness that was deep inside of me, was no longer working!!

I went along for many more years carrying around this broken heart and soul and trying to play the game of a happy person, until the final blow came when I lost my Grandmother. 

That was it!!  And I mean that was it!!

In that moment, I decided from then on out me and God, we were done.  I still believed in Him, obviously I did, because I was officially breaking up with God, Jesus and this entire religion thing. 

This break up lasted for almost five years.  This brings me to my mid-thirties.  In that time of shunning God, He never once shunned me.  He continued to shine His love and blessings on me and would knock on my soul every once in a while, just to let me know He was still here and if I wanted to let Him back in, He was willing to do so, but I didn’t let Him in.

I was broken… I was a mess… I was completely lost!

Around a year later the numbness of losing my Grandmother started to wear off, and was now affecting me mentally and physically.  I had gained about sixty pounds, if not more.  I stopped weighing myself all together, so I can’t be sure exactly how much I gained.  I stopped having friends and now my only source of relief, my job, was in jeopardy.   Now, remember I said I was already broken, a mess and completely lost, yes, well that wasn’t completely true, but I didn’t know that!

After having major anxiety attacks, that were starting to not allow me to leave my home out of fear, I decided I need to do something, I need help, so I am going to counseling, and off I went.

Now, oddly enough in scheduling my counseling I had asked for a person who was religious, or had a relationship with God.   This is odd because God and I are still broken up, so to ask for someone who had a faith, was not something I expected myself to do.

But I did. 

A year later I found myself sixty pounds lighter, starting to resurrect my relationship with God (slowly) and dating a new boy.  I had hopes that my life was on an upswing.  I was finally starting to feel again, to understand again, to not be so broken… so I thought!

It’s funny how all the phrases, and old wives tales and adages are true.  They are based on truth and all of them worked for me!   All of them! 

I thought I made my turn; I had finally healed from the tragic loss of my Grandmother and then BAM!!!  Break up!

Break up!!! 

Now my friends this is where bottom hit!  This is where my broken became shattered.  This is when I realized I never had been healed.  I never had been put back together again.

Why you ask… Because I never unlocked the door to Jesus.  I never let Him back in.  He was only allowed entrance on my terms and on my timing.

And this is when God said ENOUGH!!!  

The man I was in a relationship with wasn’t saved, actually, he wasn’t even sure what he believed or how he felt about God and at this point, I was ok with that.  I was ok with accepting his limited understanding or relationships with God, because I still wasn’t fully invested in mine either.

And of course that meant he has to go!

You see the verse in the Bible that says we are not to be unequally yoked is true, that’s a true statement ,and God knew that I would return, but God also knew I needed to truly hit bottom to return to Him, and He opened the door to that return by closing the door on that relationship.

Once again, my heart was broken and I was incredibly angry with God, again, but this time instead of closing the door and locking Him out, I yelled at Him.  I told Him exactly what I thought of Him and His ways, and how I can’t believe He once again is hurting me like this. 

I hope you see the difference in these two situations.  In the loss of my Grandmother I shut God out and closed the door; but in the loss of my relationship, I threw the door wide opened and expressed my anger, and that where word number two comes into play.

God poured His love, His comfort, His acceptance, His healing, His patience, His blessings, His favor, His long suffering spirit all over me! 

He said I know you are hurting, and I know you think that I have left you down, but I promise you, if you let me I will build you back up again, and the way you were meant to be when I created you.

God promised me that if I allow Him to heal me, to love me, and to make me His, that I will do a great work in His kingdom, and that I will be whole.

I said yes! 

So tonight, when I saw these verses that I have heard so many times over my life, I saw something different this time.  God opened my eyes to the two words that basically describe my life, broken and poured.

I was broken and I mean broken, I hit my bottom, and God, well He was there to pour His life, His spirit and His Son into my brokenness.

We are all fractured, broken, and hurt people at some point or another, and we are aimlessly walking around trying to find how to take the pain away.  If you are like me you used food and isolation as your way to hide the pain, but many people use drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual activities, stealing, lying and many other things to hide from the world, and themselves that they are incomplete. 

Here is the one thing I know.  The one thing I am sure of, none of those things will work, in fact they will leave you feeling worse than you did before.  They will deplete you and will cause you to feel more shame than you did.  This is how sin works and causes addictions.  

I know one thing that will work, but you have to open the door.  You have to invite Him in.  You have to accept Him and His ways but if you do, if you give Him a chance, I promise you that He will pour His life into your broken pieces and will heal you and make you new!

The thing you are looking for, searching for, that thing is Jesus Christ.  His body was broken for our healing, and on the cross His blood poured out of His body for our sins.

You see Broken and Poured!! 

You will never be broken again, once you accept Jesus and allow Him to pour His life into yours!

Do you have a dream

Do you have a dream? 

Do you have something that you hope and wish would happen in your life, something you know is impossible, but yet you hold it tight in your inner man for the day that maybe, just maybe, your wish will be granted. 

I believe to some extent everyone has these dreams, wishes, hopes.  Things that we want so desperately to have or see happen in our lives, or the lives of the ones around us.  I think that we need these hopes; we need these dreams to keep pushing us every day with the anticipation of them being fulfilled that day.

So what would happen if your dream came true, what would your life look like?  Have you suddenly ever started longing or believing for something that you never in a million years would want to do?

I do.

My dream, my vision, my hope, and my prayer for my life, wasn’t one that I choose, it was one that was given to me, by God.   My vision for my life is much quieter and smaller than the one that God has decided to give me.  It’s a very normal, one house, and picket fence with two kids, two dogs, and two car garage kind of expectation for my life. 

God’s expectations or plans for my life are nothing like the ones I have for myself.  I have been battling with why God has decided to give me these big goals, these big plans on a person who is very normal, very average.  And then I remember, my God is a big God.  He is not average, He is not normal, He is not small. 

I am starting to understand the phrase we make plans and then God laughs.  It’s as if the things that would satisfy my soul are the things that make God laugh.  And I say that not in a rude way.  They make Him laugh, because they are not big enough.  They are not grand enough, for the person He has created me to be. 

I tend to think that God has illusions of grandeur but again, maybe not because He is the only one who can complete, fulfill and anoint the plans He has.

My plans went from one of average to ones of grandeur.  They went from a quiet simple life.  From having a personal relationship with Him and a family that loves God and surrounds our lives around Him, to that dream on steroids.  

Now, my plan, my vision and my purpose is to lead the lost to God.  I have decided to put down my plan and pick up His.  I have decided that God, the one, who created me, knows my purpose better than I do.  He knows the plans He has for me and He knows exactly how to bring them to pass.

You see when you serve God, when you humble yourself to God’s will, and purpose, you will begin to see Matthew 19:26 become reality in your life.  You will live in the truth that God is Able.

Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, With men this is impossible, but all things are possible with God.

I want to put a thousand exclamation points on the end of that statement.  I want to highlight it in gold and make is shine and stand out, but God, all He wants us to do, is believe it!

In these verses Jesus was telling the disciples how to have eternal life and what you need to strip off of yourselves to have this life.  He used the parable of not being able to enter heaven as a rich man that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needled than for a rich man to enter into heaven.  

But we see and we see quickly, that what is impossible with man is more than possible with God.   The changes that need to happen are up to us.  We are the ones who are stopping the progression of God’s ability.  It is our unbelief that is containing God, not God’s ability. 

God is asking us to strip ourselves of who we are, and to pick up who He is, and that it is possible for us to do this.  It is possible for us to change into the image of who He is and to do exactly as He is telling us.   That there will be pain in the process and you will have to sacrifice some of your own wants and plans, but it’s worth it because you get heaven!!!

You get GOD!

When God started moving quickly in my life, I was and sometimes am, still resistant to the work that He is doing, because it is costing me a lot emotionally.  It is costing me more emotionally than I would ever be able to explain but the end result, will be my ability to do as God has called me to do.

God has asked me, and I am sure He has asked you too, to sell all you have and follow Him.  He has given you directions on how to better your life; on how to have a more complete, peaceful life but we have to make changes and sacrifices to have the things that He is promising us.  We have to say ok, I am willing to give up myself, my small, normal plans for my life and pick up yours.  To follow yours and become your disciple.

I think most of the times, the reasons why we don’t or we hesitate to pick up the plans and purposes God has for our lives is because we think they are impossible.  We think there is no way ever!  Do I not only deserve to have what you are promising me but can I have what you are promising me. 

This is the truth, well this was the truth.  Until Jesus! 

When Jesus came impossible went out the door.  The sides were blown off and the opportunities became limitless.   But you must first receive and believe!  You can’t look at words and not allow them to become your words.  These words are your promises, your truth, and your gift from God. 

The verse Matthew 19:26 about all things being possible with God is your truth when you believe that they are your truth.  When you begin to look at the power of your God instead of the lack of your flesh, these words become your words.

When God gives you a plan He is giving you a plan for your life, and since He created you, the world, and your plan, we can trust that not only is it possible, but that it is the truth of your life.

We put the restraints on God, not God.  He isn’t putting the restraints on us.  Actually, He is waiting for us to take the restraints off of our eyes, hearts and minds and completely surrender to the idea, truth, phrase and Bible verse that all things are possible with God! 

That dream, hope, plan, purpose or vision you have for your life or the lives of those around you are possible. 

It is possible for the person I love deeply to stop doing drugs, and come back to God;  it is possible for your child to find God; it is possible for your family to be healed and reconnected; it is possible for your body to be healed and it is possible for God to do all of these things… Just believe He can and He will!!