Broken and Poured

Matthew 26: 26-28 Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread and, praising god, gave thanks and asked Him to bless it to their use, and when He had broken it, He gave it to the disciples and said, Take, eat; this is My body (27) And He took a cup, and when He had given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, Drink of it, all of you; (28) For this is My blood of the new covenant, Which is being poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

These are two verses we are all aware of, we are aware of the last supper and we are also aware of the sacrament that Jesus gave us, in dying on the cross.  Many times in church we take something that is called communion, which is to give praise and thanksgiving to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us all, and also, to remember Jesus, and the Man that He is.

These are just some of the things that we are aware of and have been taught from these verses, but in reading them tonight, I received something else in my spirit; there was a new understanding or new depth to them.

Hopefully, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to bring some insight to what I have been given. 

I have highlighted in Red two words out of these verses broken and poured.  These two words had meaning and revelation for me tonight in reading scripture I have become very aware of.

To me these two words explain what we have to do before, and slightly after, we receive Christ and then what Christ does, upon receiving Him, in our hearts and lives.

I would have considered myself a broken person, and some days I believe I am still broken, just not completely anymore.  But to me I was damaged, I was broken, tainted in a way, and there was never anything that was going to be able to repair, or repay me for the things that had happened to me in my past.

I always believed in God, and have been saved (technically) since my early childhood years, I would estimate around ten, but even that wasn’t enough to repair my broken heart or soul.   

I didn’t realize until I was in my twenties, and really accepted it in my thirties, that I needed a savior, not just the words, and belief that God exists, that Jesus died for me, because I had all of that taken care of, but I needed some serious help!!

I needed someone to save me because my years of trying to either mask, cover or numb the brokenness that was deep inside of me, was no longer working!!

I went along for many more years carrying around this broken heart and soul and trying to play the game of a happy person, until the final blow came when I lost my Grandmother. 

That was it!!  And I mean that was it!!

In that moment, I decided from then on out me and God, we were done.  I still believed in Him, obviously I did, because I was officially breaking up with God, Jesus and this entire religion thing. 

This break up lasted for almost five years.  This brings me to my mid-thirties.  In that time of shunning God, He never once shunned me.  He continued to shine His love and blessings on me and would knock on my soul every once in a while, just to let me know He was still here and if I wanted to let Him back in, He was willing to do so, but I didn’t let Him in.

I was broken… I was a mess… I was completely lost!

Around a year later the numbness of losing my Grandmother started to wear off, and was now affecting me mentally and physically.  I had gained about sixty pounds, if not more.  I stopped weighing myself all together, so I can’t be sure exactly how much I gained.  I stopped having friends and now my only source of relief, my job, was in jeopardy.   Now, remember I said I was already broken, a mess and completely lost, yes, well that wasn’t completely true, but I didn’t know that!

After having major anxiety attacks, that were starting to not allow me to leave my home out of fear, I decided I need to do something, I need help, so I am going to counseling, and off I went.

Now, oddly enough in scheduling my counseling I had asked for a person who was religious, or had a relationship with God.   This is odd because God and I are still broken up, so to ask for someone who had a faith, was not something I expected myself to do.

But I did. 

A year later I found myself sixty pounds lighter, starting to resurrect my relationship with God (slowly) and dating a new boy.  I had hopes that my life was on an upswing.  I was finally starting to feel again, to understand again, to not be so broken… so I thought!

It’s funny how all the phrases, and old wives tales and adages are true.  They are based on truth and all of them worked for me!   All of them! 

I thought I made my turn; I had finally healed from the tragic loss of my Grandmother and then BAM!!!  Break up!

Break up!!! 

Now my friends this is where bottom hit!  This is where my broken became shattered.  This is when I realized I never had been healed.  I never had been put back together again.

Why you ask… Because I never unlocked the door to Jesus.  I never let Him back in.  He was only allowed entrance on my terms and on my timing.

And this is when God said ENOUGH!!!  

The man I was in a relationship with wasn’t saved, actually, he wasn’t even sure what he believed or how he felt about God and at this point, I was ok with that.  I was ok with accepting his limited understanding or relationships with God, because I still wasn’t fully invested in mine either.

And of course that meant he has to go!

You see the verse in the Bible that says we are not to be unequally yoked is true, that’s a true statement ,and God knew that I would return, but God also knew I needed to truly hit bottom to return to Him, and He opened the door to that return by closing the door on that relationship.

Once again, my heart was broken and I was incredibly angry with God, again, but this time instead of closing the door and locking Him out, I yelled at Him.  I told Him exactly what I thought of Him and His ways, and how I can’t believe He once again is hurting me like this. 

I hope you see the difference in these two situations.  In the loss of my Grandmother I shut God out and closed the door; but in the loss of my relationship, I threw the door wide opened and expressed my anger, and that where word number two comes into play.

God poured His love, His comfort, His acceptance, His healing, His patience, His blessings, His favor, His long suffering spirit all over me! 

He said I know you are hurting, and I know you think that I have left you down, but I promise you, if you let me I will build you back up again, and the way you were meant to be when I created you.

God promised me that if I allow Him to heal me, to love me, and to make me His, that I will do a great work in His kingdom, and that I will be whole.

I said yes! 

So tonight, when I saw these verses that I have heard so many times over my life, I saw something different this time.  God opened my eyes to the two words that basically describe my life, broken and poured.

I was broken and I mean broken, I hit my bottom, and God, well He was there to pour His life, His spirit and His Son into my brokenness.

We are all fractured, broken, and hurt people at some point or another, and we are aimlessly walking around trying to find how to take the pain away.  If you are like me you used food and isolation as your way to hide the pain, but many people use drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual activities, stealing, lying and many other things to hide from the world, and themselves that they are incomplete. 

Here is the one thing I know.  The one thing I am sure of, none of those things will work, in fact they will leave you feeling worse than you did before.  They will deplete you and will cause you to feel more shame than you did.  This is how sin works and causes addictions.  

I know one thing that will work, but you have to open the door.  You have to invite Him in.  You have to accept Him and His ways but if you do, if you give Him a chance, I promise you that He will pour His life into your broken pieces and will heal you and make you new!

The thing you are looking for, searching for, that thing is Jesus Christ.  His body was broken for our healing, and on the cross His blood poured out of His body for our sins.

You see Broken and Poured!! 

You will never be broken again, once you accept Jesus and allow Him to pour His life into yours!