Marriage, that sacred vow...

Marriage has become a hot topic lately, or I should say over the past couple years.  It seems to me the desire for people to be married has dwindled.  It is almost as if the sanctity of marriage is being slowly unraveled. 

I personally didn’t grow up wanting to get married.  Marriage was not something I ever wanted to do.  I had not seen any thriving, strong marriages in my childhood, and the ones that were around me seemed to be very unhappy and destructive.  I made the decision for myself many years ago, actually in my pre-teen years, that I wasn’t going to get married or have any children. 

I was very comfortable with the thought and idea that I would just be single, live with someone, but not rely on each other for our identities or securities.

Oh, how that has changed!                                        

As you can imagine, I didn’t grow up dreaming of a marriage or a wedding.  No, I was the one who grew up dreaming of a successful career, in what, I still was not sure, but I was going to be successful and independent.  I was going to be able to completely take care of myself, and be what I was told, I could never become.

I sit now, that person.  I have become successful in my field.  I have had many job advancements and thankfully, found a career that I enjoy, and with the help of God, am good at.  I got exactly what I wanted for myself as a pubescent kid.  And now that I am all of that, I can say, that’s not what life is about.

Well at least I don’t think that’s what life is about.

In Matthew 19:5-6 Jesus gives us a glimpse into what I believe He thinks life is partly about.   (5) And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly (joined inseparably) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? (6) So they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together let not man put asunder (separate).

 You see the Pharisees once again were trying to trip up Jesus with a question on marriage, and if it’s ok for us to divorce for any and every reason.   Jesus gives this very beautiful answer, that if you have been to any wedding, ever, you have heard given in vows over and over again. 

Do you think that when the vows are being exchanged from one another that they take the time to really understand what Jesus meant, when He said that we become one flesh? 

I don’t. 

I think we think it sounds good.  It’s beautiful, connecting and sounds extremely spiritual but I think the actual idea behind what Jesus meant with those two verses are left in the rear view mirror, if ever understood at all.

I personally think that Jesus is using this as an example to say to the Pharisees, and to us, that no, you aren’t supposed to divorce your spouse and why aren’t you to divorce your spouse, because it’s hard to remove something that is part of you.

When Jesus is saying that a man is to leave his father and mother and he is to be united firmly, joined inseparably to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  He is saying this is forever.  That marriage is to be looked at a firm unity where two consenting adults, decide to become one identity. 

If we were to remain the same person we were going into marriage then we would never have to have a ceremony.  We would never need rings, we would never own anything together and we would never need to change our last names.  We could remain independent people in a relationship, but not a marriage.

A marriage is the melting of two individuals into one.  It’s the taking of two independent identities and morphing them into one identity.  It’s becoming a complete unit within the structure of one marriage. 

Marriage is not of convenience.  Marriage is not something you do because you are supposed to.  No, marriage is a gift.  It’s a wonderful opportunity to take the lives that you have independently of each other and bring them under one covenant, under one agreement.

Now, I know this probably sounds like rainbows and sunshine, but I think that marriage isn’t supposed to be something that’s easy.  I don’t think that taking two separate things and making them one, is ever going to be an easy thing, but it is possible, or we wouldn’t be instructed to do so.

When you come to marriage knowing who you are as a complete person, in yourself, but mainly in your relationship to God, and where He exists in the marriage, then I do believe that you can take two people and make them one.  You can create a bond so strong and a need of the other person, so strong that you have become one. 

Marriage is meant to be hard.  Marriage is meant to have peaks and valleys, but marriage is also supposed to last.  Marriage is not something we do for a couple years and then move on to someone else.  Marriage is a lifelong commitment that you are making not only to yourself, but the other person and God.

We were created to be one.  We were created as man and woman to have a unity blessed and ordained by God, and that is marriage.  It’s our protection.  It’s our safety net, and our shield during times when we are not capable of fighting on our own.  It’s knowing that someone else is as committed to this relationship, and promise, as you are.

Marriage is a covenant that is made between you, God and your partner, and to have the fulfillment of the covenant means that divorce isn’t an option.  If we live our lives truly by the characteristics of Jesus and God, and focus on loving someone else as much as we love ourselves, than divorce won’t ever be needed.

If we take a moment to forgive as quickly as we want to be forgiven, and extend ourselves as much as we want things extended to us, divorce, will never be needed. 

If we take the rule, the commandment that Jesus gave us, to love our neighbor more than we love ourselves, divorce will never be needed.   Marriage wasn’t given to us as something temporary, it was given to us as a gift, a blessing, a sacred vow and we need to treat it as such!

 

God's Rules & Regulations

We have all been taught rules and regulations all of our lives.  We have known a cause and effect, meaning, if you do something good, something good will be done back to you.  We also have learned that if you do something bad, something bad will come back to you. 

But does it really work that way?

Is there really Karma?  Does the law of attraction really work, or is it really true?

We all know that person who repeatedly does wrong, time after time after time; but yet, they somehow seem to live a happy life.  They seem to always escape their punishment or the effect for their behavior.  

It angers me, when I know that someone has done wrong, and then repeatedly does wrong, but never seems to get the correction, or have to deal with the ramifications of their wrong doings.  Right now three people have come to my mind, and two of the three seem to never have to pay back or make good for the wrong or hurt they caused the people around them.

Two of the three people seem to float on life without a worry in the world, or a feeling of remorse for the things they have done.  They seem to be completely unscathed to, what I think, they deserve. 

The third person, well he, I think has been so protected, in a sense from the cause and effect theory that someone always saves him.  He always gets away with the wrong doing, finds the money, has someone bail him out that the crash he needs to experience in his life, seems to never come. 

All three of these people have been raised in very different homes, with very different examples of wrong and right.  Have had influences of the good and bad variety but seem to escape to the wrong side of life every time.  And without a care or worry for those who come in their path.

One of these people is related to me.  One of these people holds my heart in his hands, and the other I have to pray for God to give me enough kindness to even be in close proximity to her.  All three very different but yet all three have chosen a life well beneath them and who God has called them to be.

When God started working in me, diligently working in me, I was asked, commanded, demanded and forced to make changes in my life that I never would have made before.  I was never the bad kid.  I was never the rebellious one, who caused problems and issues for everyone around them, but I was always the one who spoke when I didn’t need too.  I spoke my truth, and did it very well. 

If you asked me my opinion, trust me, you got it, all of it, and probably more than you needed or wanted to receive.  So can you imagine my surprise when God started dealing with me about my personality and my mouth? 

Really!!  I am not hurting anyone, is what I thought.  I am not giving my opinion when not solicited or in a form where opinions weren't wanted and appreciated. 

I thought of these three people, and still do, when God is dealing with me for speaking when I should be listening, or not allowing my heart to expand and open to someone’s life choices.

I was being thrown in the fire and yes, it burned!!!

So why is it that some people are feeling the flames of their decisions and some seem to skate through life unscathed?  I think I might have stumbled across the answer or part of the answer tonight.

In Matthew 19 we see a man approach Jesus and ask Him how does he receive eternal life.  What does he have to do to enter into eternal life?   A little background on this man.  He was a rich man; he seemed probably from the outside to be a man that had everything.  He was a man that seemed to flourish and thrive in keeping the laws that Moses had received from God, and still abides by them in his adult years.

He seemed to be the kind of person you want to know, you trust, you want to have in your inner circle and would be an upstanding citizen.   And then Jesus showed his flaws, his character, and his truth.

Verse 21 Jesus answered him, If you would be perfect (that is, have that spiritual maturity which accompanies self-sacrificing character), go and sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven; and come, be My disciple (side with My party and follow Me). (22) But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, (grieved and in much distress), for he had great possessions.

Do you see how Jesus exposed his heart, his truth? Do you see how his outside appearance was misleading and misguiding to who he was at the core?

You see when Jesus asked him to sell all of his worldly treasures and goods, and to come with Him and become His disciple; the man wasn’t able to do what Jesus was requesting of him.  

He came to Jesus, and asked Jesus, how to enter into eternal life, and Jesus gave him the answer, but the answer that he wasn’t able or wanted to hear.   The man then showed his immaturity by being disappointed and sad with the answer.  I think it's because his value, his esteem, was in his possessions, not in God.

Wonder how these two verses connect with the three people I wrote about earlier, yeah, so did I, until God showed me the correlation. 

It’s in the impression/perception we have. 

The perception we have of the people around us.  It’s in how the man in Matthew was perceived as good, because he kept all of the laws, but you see, the laws weren’t meant for us to keep, they were meant for us to know we needed Jesus.  This man kept the laws, which means, he didn’t need a savior to save him from himself, he had everything he thought he needed, within himself.

This is how I look at these three people.  It’s all my perception of their lives and situations.  I don’t see, hear, or feel the pain that they feel when they have to admit their wrongdoings. 

Person number one, whom I am related too. I don’t feel the sadness, failure and loneliness, I am sure that she feels, when she allows herself too.  When she deems herself small enough and insignificant enough to know that she needs a savior, as we all do.   I don’t know the pain that she feels when she steals, lies or accepts less for herself than what she is worth.   I don’t feel that.  I don’t see that.  But yet, I believe, that it all happens. 

Person number two, the one who holds my heart.  Again, I don’t see the truth that is beating inside of him.  I don’t see the pain that he feels from the life of drugs and alcohol that he leads, daily.  I don’t know how it feels to walk away from love because you are not strong enough to admit you need help to overcome your drug addiction.  I don’t feel it, I don’t understand it but yet, again, I believe that it all happens.

To the last person I wrote about.  I don’t know the pain or torture that she feels when she lies about people around her.  I will not understand the need to hurt someone else, to increase myself.  I won’t be able to properly understand what has happened in her life that has caused her to be manipulative and dishonest.  Nor, do I understand how it feels to be that insecure in myself, and my marriage that I need to do all of those things, to increase myself. I don’t feel it, I don’t understand it but yet again, I believe it all happens.

These three people, just like you and I, need a savior.  They need to have a belief in something deeper than themselves.  They need to understand, just as the man in Matthew, that keeping the law doesn’t give you access to eternity.   They also need to understand that it doesn’t keep you out of it either.

We all have our mistakes, our sins, our laws that we have broken, and I am, God knows, not exempt to the correction when I step out of line in the eyes of God.  But you see the difference here, well at least one of the things I believe to be true, is I have already accepted that I am going to, and have already fallen short of keeping the laws given to us from Moses. 

I know I need a savior!! 

I know and am fully willing, to be changed.  I am willing to sell my goods, and become a disciple of Jesus, knowing that He is the perfect thing I need to even have a chance at seeing eternity.

Why does it seem to me that people who make horrible decisions in their lives get away with them, because I am not inside of them?  I am not feeling their pain, hurt, loneliness, isolation, defeat and lack of love for themselves, other people and from God.

I get angry or annoyed when God corrects me for opening yet again, my mouth and speaking when I shouldn’t be, but actually, I should be very thankful for the correction.  I should be thankful that I am hearing from God; I am receiving from God and I am connected to God.

You see, we all need a savior, and we will come to the realization of that one way, it may be easy for some, and extremely difficult for others, but at some point in your life, Jesus is going to ask you to sell everything you have, give it to the poor, and follow Him.  He is going to ask you to be His disciple, pick up your cross and walk in His ways, the only answer to this is Yes!

The only answer to having eternal life, is saying Yes to Jesus.  Yes, Jesus, I will sell, giveaway, rid myself of, cleanse myself of, or remove myself from, all that comes between me knowing I need You, my Savior, and me thinking, I can save myself.

Those three people, the one I am related to; the one that holds my heart; and the one I need extreme doses of kindness to deal with, they all too, are going to come to the knowledge that they need a savior, that they need Jesus, and maybe, just maybe, the reason why God has put them each into my life, and is changing mine, is to help them find Him, their Savior.  So that I can listen, instead of speak,  feel instead of judge, so when the day comes and they ask me how do I have eternal life like you, I can say His name is Jesus, here, let me show you how to find Him!

Seventy Times Seven

I have a younger sister, she is, I think it’s pretty fair to say, the complete opposite of me.  There is quite a bit of age difference between the two of us and for a long time I believed that was the reason we are not able to connect as siblings should. 

I haven’t spoken to my sister in quite some time.  It’s probably almost two years at this point, and as bad as this is for me to say, it is easier for me to not have contact with her.

But is easier the way I am supposed to handle our differences?

Notice in that sentence I said, it was easier for me to not speak to her.  I truly don’t know if it is easier for her for us not to speak.  I have not given thought to how it affects her, the distance between us. 

We have been estranged on and off for many years.  I would say since she went to college.  Our personalities are completely different, and really that is not even the real issue between us, the real issue is I can’t handle her lying.  I have a problem when I cannot trust someone, let alone my own sibling. 

I don’t trust her in my home, to have a key to my home, or to even have a simple conversation with her.  I know that almost every word out of her mouth is a lie or some shadow of a lie. 

I don’t know how she became this person, as we were raised in the same home and with the same standards and morals.  She began stealing from me at around nine, and then obviously lying to cover up her stealing.  I tried everything I could to make sure that her childhood was not filled with the same experiences I had, but yet, we are completely different.

Now, I am not saying that I think I am a better person than she is, I just have different decisions I make for my life, and my decisions tend to lean more towards honesty and dependability than hers.

I feel bad for my sister.  I feel bad that she thinks this is the way that she needs to live her life, and I feel bad that we are living lives independent of each other, and that it will most likely be that way for years to come.

There is a Bible verse that always plays in my head when I allow myself to think of our relationship, or lack there of one, and that is Matthew 18:21-22.

(21) Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go?  (as many as) up to seven times? (22) Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven!

I always think of these verses when I think of my sister, and the way our relationship has gone.  I think how I need to extend my hand in forgiveness and show her the right way, and I need to do this as many times as it takes.

This is hard!

I would not allow a person like my sister in my life as a friend or acquaintance and it’s hard for me to allow her in my life, just because she is my sister. 

I pray daily, that God helps her, to open her eyes to Him and allows for Him to show her the error of her ways, but maybe I should be praying the same thing for myself.

If I am to forgive my brother, which I believe means anyone walking this earth,  seventy times seven, which again, is just an example of the fact we are to forgive over and over again, than shouldn’t I be able to forgive my sister?

Matthew 18 23-34 goes on to tell of a man who owed his master 10,000 talons, which the Bible equates to being $10,000,000 to us.  When he was unable to pay back his master, the master grabbed him and wanted him to be thrown into prison for his debt.  The man then begged and pleaded with his master asking for mercy and forgiveness for his debt.   His master saw his weakness and it struck a chord in his heart, and he wiped his slate clean of the debt. 

The man, who owed the debt, then ran into another man who owed him a hundred denarii, around twenty dollars, and attacked him and demanded that he pay him back immediately, or he would throw him into prison, until he could make the payment.   

The man who owed the twenty dollars was unable to pay him back and was immediately thrown into jail until able to make his repayment.

Now, I am sure you are thinking what I was thinking, how is this possible?  How can you not have mercy on a man whose crime is the same as yours, and you just received forgiveness for a much larger offense.  How can you not extend the same forgiveness as was given to you?

The master who had originally forgave the large debt found out about the behavior of the man and asked him, how can you not take pity and mercy on your fellow man, as I have given you pity and mercy you needed.   He then sent him to jail, to be with the man who owed him twenty dollars, until he was able to pay his debt.

This all leads me to think about my sister.  She lives a life that I don’t approve of because she lies consistently, and without remorse, but how am I any different when I have also lied in my life? 

Should I not forgive my sister as I would want to be forgiven?   And then I think but isn’t it enough already… and I hear again Matthew 18:21-22 in my head.

There is no limit to my forgiveness for my sister or for anyone else who betrays my trust, as I would, and want for Jesus to forgive me of my sins and betrayal.  We are to turn our hearts over to God and allow Him to soften them to the people in the world that need to see His kindness and his forgiveness, as we so desperately want it given to us.

Matthew 18:35 says So also My heavenly Father will deal with every one of you if you do not freely forgive your brother from your heart his offenses.

My learning lesson here in this reading tonight is, if I want my heavenly Father to forgive me, then I need to forgive my sister with an open heart, free from grudges and past hurts.

I need to allow freedom from past pains and lies into my heart for her, and allow forgiveness to come in place of the animosity.  I need to allow God to continue to soften my heart for this situation, and my sister and show me how to forgive and be an example of Him, to her.

We will all have people in our lives that cause us to forgive them more times than we ever care to, but like we have seen, and read in Matthew 18, if we are not able to forgive others with an open heart, then we cannot expect for God to forgive us with His.