Difficult Days... We all have them.

Today was a difficult day, as I am sure many of you can relate, for many different reasons.  Today I started me day like I normally do and just felt uneasy about the day.  There were things that have happened today that I was unsure of and many thoughts had entered my mind that I wasn’t prepared to battle. 

Today was a day I wanted to give up on the plans that I believe God has revealed for my life.  Today was a day I wanted to sit in self-pity and wallow in what is not going right or happening in my life.   My desires for things in life are changing and while I appreciate that, it also makes it hard when you feel like your life is in limbo. 

Instead of choosing to fight off the attacks on my mind, I chose to indulge them, which is never a good idea.  I know better, but as I can now see, I need to not only know better, but do better as well.   I have the armor of God to shield me from my attacker but yet I chose the stance of victim.   I am so thankful that

God is a forgiving God, and that he is Faithful, when I am not.

After saying all of this I shouldn’t be surprised when I entered into my daily reading to this verse in John 12:27.  Now My soul is troubled and distressed, and what shall I say?  Father, save Me from this hour (of trial and agony)?  But it was for this very purpose that I have come to this hour (that I might undergo it). 

I actually chuckled out loud after reading this and said, OK, I get it.   I have said a couple times now there is a secret language or hidden meanings in God’s Word and though I know from a logical sense that this verse was not about my struggles today, it fit them perfectly.

I wanted to give up on the plans that I believe God has called me into.  I wanted to just throw my hands in the air and say, you know this isn’t fair, it’s not fun and I am done!   I wanted to walk away from all the things that God has shared with me over the past couple of months, and if not years.  Why?  Because it hurts to wait!  It hurts to be patient for something and have no idea why you are waiting or when you will be delivered. 

But then I read this verse and I have to say, OK, God.  OK.  I don’t get to give up.  I don’t get to throw my hands in the air and say, that’s it.  I don’t get to wave the white flag of surrender or push away from the table because it’s a little too hard for my emotions today.  No, I get to push in, dig in, persevere a little longer because this is my purpose and I have come into this hour, that I might undergo it. 

 

I am by no means, saying that my current storm; struggle, issue or whatever you want to call it is anything like Jesus preparing to go to the Cross.  I am not even that foolish or delusional to believe it is anything like what Jesus suffered, but I am open enough to know that the Bible is a Living Word, which means, it is alive to my daily needs.   I believe that since the Bible is a life giving word that the struggles that I entered into today can be met with the Word of God.   I believe that God can take a verse like John 12:27 and show me the healing power it has for my needs today.

I can say to God, and did say to God today, Now my soul is troubled and distressed, and what shall I say?  Father, save me from this hour (of trial and agony)?  But it was for this very purpose that I have come to this hour (that I might undergo it).

My soul and mind were troubled, heavy and distressed today.  I was feeling very emotional about the direction that my life has gone in over the past couple months, and feeling very uncertain about my future.  I can understand this verse as I have lived this verse many a day, but normally I wouldn’t have come to the end of this day and say, but Father, I get it, this is my purpose.    I understand that you can’t remove this situation from me, because this is a situation that I need to walk through.  I need this to change me, to remove more of me and insert more of you. 

John 3:30 comes to mind where John says He must increase, but I must decrease (He must grow more prominent; I must grow less so.)   I know that to remove something is painful.  It’s not an act that is going to be pleasant and enjoyable; it’s going to be painful, as most change is.    What I am not going to do is ask God to save me from this, because he has given me the opportunity to be changed in this moment.  He has given me the chance to remove more of me and become more like him. 

When we come into a place of darkness or a painful time in life, we must try to search our hearts for the reason why the moment is so distressing for us.  Are we adding to the pain, like I was today, by allowing myself to live in self-pity for the day.  Are we trying to bypass something that needs to happen in our lives to make us better and that’s why we are struggling?  Try to locate the reason for the struggle and take it to God. 

You won’t be asking God to save you from this hour, from this pain, or from this situation, but you can ask God to reveal to you what you need to learn from this time, so that you never have to repeat the moment.   We can ask God to aid us in the moment, and to allow the Holy Spirit to bring us comfort and the correct words for us to pray. 

Every day is a learning moment, every trial we enter is given, yes, given, to us to change us into the person we are purposed to be.  We have the choice as to how we are going to rise to the occasion.  Are we going to do like I did today and battle it every step of the way, only to have ended up in tears, or are you going to say OK, God, you have given me this opportunity and now please show me what to do with it.   We have the power of Jesus living inside of us, each and every one of us, so if we have the Power of the Man who hung on the Cross, we have the Power to push through our emotions and come out just like Christ did, Victorious!!

 

Do you know how to share?

As a people we desire to be in relationship with each other.  We were created for that exact purpose.  We were created to be in relationship with God.  When a person decides to block out the relationships around them they are excluding themselves from exactly what they were created for, community.  

Have you ever known a wise person who wasn’t able, or chose not to share their wisdom?  Kind of foolish don’t you think?  What does it serve for one person to have knowledge on a topic, and not share it with the people around him?  When we learn something we should be eager to discuss what we have learned with the people around us.  We should be optimistically cautious as to whom we share our information with but we should be eager to share what we have learned. 

I personally have always been the kind of person who will question everything.  I will question even my question, so that I can gather as much information and knowledge possible to enlarge my understanding on topics that interest me.  I do this so that I can share what I have learned with other people.   There is a verse in Matthew 15:18 that says, but the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart.   So when your heart is full with understanding and wisdom you will hear it out of your mouth.  This can also be true for things that defile the man, so it can work for good and for evil. 

I say all of this to say that man is not to live alone in silence, nor should he live alone with his wisdom and thoughts.   If you are keeping your wisdom quiet, you are taking that wisdom with you when you perish, so what good is that to you, or the people around you?  You have stopped the process of learning when you choose to contain your knowledge. 

In John 12:24 Jesus says I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains (just one grain; it never becomes more but lives) by itself alone.  But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest. 

What does this all mean?  When you have one grain of wheat that falls into the ground and dies, the wheat never matures and yields a harvest, in fact, the grain of wheat will live by itself alone.  This one grain of wheat alone isn’t able to turn itself into a harvest, as it lives solitary.  But if this grain of wheat matures and then dies it will yield a rich harvest.  

The difference is the one grain was alone, not able to share, the other one was among other grains of wheat and could be part of the harvest.   This grain of wheat symbolizes us and what we can do with our knowledge of Jesus.  We can be selfish with our understanding and relationship with Jesus, or we can be a like a matured wheat grain that blows in the wind and produces a rich harvest.    If we don’t share with the people around us about Christ, we are not bringing in a harvest to the Kingdom of God.  Our jobs as Disciples of Christ are to bring other people into relationship with Jesus. 

This is what Jesus did in his short time here on earth.  Jesus took his knowledge and spread it around everyone he came across.  Jesus took the qualities of God and shared them with the people he came in contact with.  Some people reveled in the knowledge of God and some people felt threatened by Jesus.   Jesus was only threatening to someone who thought they had control over the people and might lose that to someone like Jesus.  They were threatened by him out of Jealousy and Fear.  They themselves needed to enter into a relationship with God. 

Jesus was like a dandelion once it has begun to wither.  Their petals become seeds and lots of times as children you would blow on them and make a wish.  Jesus is like that dandelion.  When he is coming to the end of his time here on earth, he took his seed and he blew it into the wind.    If his seed landed on good soil it would be fertilized and sprout a new flower, or a new believer.  That person would then share their belief in Jesus with other people.  This is how you would come to know and to be introduced to God. 

When you share information about God you will feel a sense of excitement and feel energized, in a sense, because you are doing exactly what you were created to do, glorify God.  When you bring a light into a dark room the light will penetrate the darkness and spread throughout the space.  This is like the love of God.  When God enters into your dark, hardened heart, his love begins to soften your heart and soon enough he has begun to take over the person.  The person will then start to share their experience of change through God with the people around him and they will then begin to have their own experiences with God. 

We were created to be in relationship with God.  We were created to glorify him, so when your seed falls onto fertile ground it can bring forth a harvest to the kingdom of God.   Don’t allow yourself to be the one who holds all the prizes of God to himself.  Don’t keep your light bottled up in your heart.  Let Gods light and love burst out of you and on to the people around you.   Be like the grain of wheat that falls on the ground and dies to self, so that it can bring a rich harvest!  

Faith as small as a Mustard Seed

When Jesus entered into the Temple in Jerusalem and saw that there were people there disgracing the House of his father we get a glimpse into the passion that Jesus has for his purpose and for his father.  Jesus was enraged with the disrespect of his father’s home.  There were people there selling livestock, doves and money traders.  They were in a sense making a mockery of his Father’s home and that is when you see the protection and deeply rooted affection and love of Jesus for his Father. 

Jesus started to knock over tables and flail about whips to get the people to move and realize the severity of their actions.  They have just sinned against God, his Father, their creator and did it without any remorse for their actions.  In the midst of what had to be chaos the Disciples remembered an earlier word they had read in the Bible or for them the Holy Scripture, about the exact scene they were watching with their own eyes.    This only deepens their devotion and belief in Jesus. 

I believe that there was a very deep pain in Jesus’ heart for the sight that he was seeing.  I believe that when Jesus arrived at the Temple he was excited to be in his Father’s house and to walk in and see such a blatant disrespect for his Father pushed him over the edge and into fierce anger.  We have not really seen Jesus in this state before and I think it’s good that we are getting a glimpse of it and in this context. 

Jesus is not only showing us the value of God’s word and his house, which is at that time the Church, his home, now is inside of each and every one of us, but he was showing us how to respect your parents.  One of the Ten Commandments is to Honor thy Father and Mother.  Jesus took the opportunity to show us in that moment how far we should go to keep our Father and Mother’s reputation clean. 

My heart breaks for Jesus in this moment as he was coming to worship his father and spend time in his home and he walks into a mess of sin and greed and among this horrific sight are people who are confessing to be lovers of God.  Why would anyone sit around and allow his Father’s house to be disrespected in such a sinful nature?  

We get to see the extreme love and admiration Jesus has for his Father and to keep his house a house of worship and honor.   We also get to see the way that our Faith grows in God.  All throughout John there are tiny glimpses into confirmation of God’s word and a confirmation that Jesus the man they are following is indeed the Son of God.   We get to see their Faith grow before our eyes as God brings to remembrance words they read earlier or things they have been told before they met Jesus. 

 

Our Faith grows in God when we see his word at work in our lives.  The word could be from Jesus, from the Bible, from another Christian book we have read or a word that God has shared with you but our Faith grows from seeing the confirmation of the words we have been given. 

It’s like a seed, and I know there are many references to seeds in the Bible but this is what came to mind.   One tiny seed if planted correctly can create a strong oak tree.   The seed of God’s word is to be planted in our hearts, minds and souls and when watered with time spent in prayer, reading and in God’s presence, the seed will be fertilized, and begin to shed its outer layer and break apart or sprout into the ground, or our flesh.  As the seed sprouts it has to push its way through the ground, or our flesh, and this is where the pain occurs.

You can’t push through something without tearing the fibers apart to make room for what is being pushed through.  In this case the seed of the word has sprouted into our flesh and for it to flourish and grow it has to push its way through our flesh, or our thoughts, emotions, wills, feelings, ideas, plans, reasoning, worry, anger and so on and so on. 

This is how I believe Faith works.   You get a “mustard” seed of Faith, which God supplies us with as much Faith as we need for every situation. 

You get a “mustard” seed of Faith and when you water that “mustard” seed with God’s word, prayer and time with him the “mustard” seed or your Faith grows.   You will begin to trust God more with your life because his Faithfulness will no longer be in question.  This is why when we have a problem we are instructed to go to God instead of ourselves, or our friends.   When you take your problems to God your “mustard” seed is given the chance to grow as God walks you through your problem and gives you a solution to your problem. 

Faith is a beautiful thing and one that we really need to treasure because without it now that would be Hell.    We really need to spend more time understanding Faith and how it works so if that time ever comes when your Faith has been shaken you can reference, like the disciples did, what God has already done in your life, and know that you can push on in Faith, knowing God will deliver you from this situation as well. 

Just remember that when you get to the end of the situation, trial or whatever your believing God for, that you Glorify his name in the end.   When your trial is over and you are standing at the end with your lesson learned and your renewed Faith or growing Faith remember the ones who gave it to you. 

Take time to Thank your Heavenly Father for walking with you throughout this time in your life and give him thanks.  Thank the Holy Spirit for comforting you and giving you wisdom and for taking your prayers to God.  Remember to thank Jesus for his sacrifice for you on the Cross so that you have the chance to grow your Faith.   

I know this is hard and hopefully, we will all come to this space in life, but remember to thank God during your trial.  Remember to give him thanks for walking with you through the trial and that you know everything will be OK.  You will be delivered like Meshach, Shad rack and Abednego were from the fiery furnace, and you won’t smell like smoke. 

We must remember that since God is our temple our home and he now lives in us, we are his home and his temple.  We are the house of God.  We carry the Holy Spirit with us everywhere we go.    This means that there is a greater sense of urgency when it comes to respecting the house that God lives in.  I am not going to go further with that I am sure we will touch that topic at another time.

To sum this all up, is to say, that there are signs of God’s greatness all around us and we need to remember to look for them.  To look for the opportunity to grow and connect with our Heavenly Father throughout the day.

 We need to do our part to keep the name of God holy in the eyes of the people watching us.  Just as the disciples were watching Jesus react in the Temple people are watching us and how we rise or fall to any situation around us.   We are a testament to our Lord and Savior and when we feel like our Flesh is being ripped apart, remember it’s just a seed of Faith pushing out the dirt in us and sprouting God’s Faith and Word in our lives.   We will never enter a fire too hot for us and we will never enter it alone.   There will always be a second man on the scene.  We might not see him physically but if we search our hearts and bow our heads we will surely feel him.   

Jesus!!!

In John 10:7 Jesus says, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, that I Myself am the Door for the Sheep.   He then goes on to say in verse 9 I am the Door; anyone who enters in through Me will be saved (will live) He will come in and he will go out (freely), and will find pasture…

Jesus is telling us that he is the way into a redeemed life.  He is the only way that we can go to have the life that he was getting ready to die for.  He is the door, meaning we have to choose to open and then walk freely through the door. 

Jesus will not force himself upon you.  He won’t make you choose him, but what he will do, is show you that his pasture is greener than any other pasture you can find.  He will show you and knock on the door of your heart and ask you to follow him but he won’t make you walk through the door.   That’s why he says in John 10:9, he will come in and he will go out (freely).  This is informing us that it will be our decision.  We will be the ones who decide when to come to Jesus and if we choose to leave Jesus, we can freely do so.  You are not trapped into a relationship with Jesus; you will freely decide to walk through the Door that is Jesus. 

In John 10:10, which is probably my favorite verse in the Bible, right now.  Jesus says The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows.)

This verse is just amazing.  It shows us the ways of Satan and how he will try to deceive you to take from you all that you have, so when we see the enemy we will know his motives.  We won’t be living behind a veil anymore; we can now freely see his ways and recognize them at the onset.   The best part of this is the second part of this verse.  I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows.)

Jesus came, conquered and destroyed the motives of the Devil, his demons and sin!!  He came to give us the complete opposite of what the Devil is trying to take from us. 

Do we see that the Devil comes to deplete you of everything good in this life?   The Devil comes, to steal your joy from life, to steal your peace of life, to steal your happiness, your desires, your plans, and your thoughts and to steal your purpose.  He tries to kill and destroy your lives by any means possible.   He will try to separate you from your one true love, God.  He will try to take your life and destroy it by any means possible.  We must and I mean MUST start to open our eyes to the lies of the enemy.  We must start to fight the Devil back on the onset of the thought, the experience or the message. 

Jesus has already won, as he tells us, he won because we have the ability to have the life he died for us to have.  We just have to do our part and recognize the attacks when we receive them. 

We have been bought into abundance of life, of joy, of peace, of happiness, of love and of relationship by the Blood of Jesus Christ.   Jesus says in John 10:11 I am the Good Shepherd.  The Good Shepherd risks and lays down His (own) life for the sheep.  You are his sheep, whether you know Him or not, He died, laid down His Own life for you.    He is the Shepherd of your life.  He will direct you into all splendors.  He will lead you into life and abundance of life.  He does all of this because He loves you so much and to prove that He loves you so much, He went to the Cross. 

 Jesus died a horrible death that I don’t believe we will ever fully understand.  He sacrificed His own life for your life.  He took your sin, your illness, your doubts, fears, tears, sadness, shame, hopelessness.  He bore all of that so that you can walk through the Door, that is him, and come into relationship with him and the Heavenly Father.   He didn’t know you.  He did this without even knowing you. 

He made it possible for you to call on the name of God, freely!  He made it possible for you to have life and have it in abundance.  I can’t even begin to grasp the love that a person must have in their heart to complete such a task. 

Jesus wasn’t made to do all of these things, Jesus wasn’t doing these things to gain acceptance from God, or man.  He was doing this willingly.  He was doing this to remove your sins!  To wash you white as snow.  You were born a sinner and without the Blood of Jesus you would have remained a sinner. 

But Jesus!  But Jesus… Jesus hung his sinless body on a Cross for your sins to be removed as far as the East is from the West. 

He experienced torture, ridicule, humiliation, betrayal, hurt, pain, torment and so much more, so that you could enter into the rest of God.  So that you could have the life that we were intended to have before the days of Adam and Eve. 

There is not one person I know who would lay their life down for a complete stranger and maybe not even for a person they love dearly.  But Jesus laid his down for you. 

Today as you read this; take a moment to ponder the fact that Jesus was a human being just like you are.  He was flesh, blood and bones.  He had every emotion, feeling and ability that you do right now.  Imagine the pain you would feel to have stakes driven through the center of your hands.  Imagine the pain you would feel to have whips with little daggers attached beaten across your body.   For your body to become so mutilated and beaten that you were not recognizable to your own Mother.   We tear up when we stub our toe, when we get a paper cut or break a bone.  This Man, created of Flesh, Blood and Bone, just as you are, right now.  This Man, experienced something so devastating that it makes torture look like a day at the spa, and he did it willingly.  He did it out of Love for you!

Don’t think of this story, as that, a story, because it’s not just a story.  This is the Truth.  This is real life.  This isn’t something that you read in a book or saw in a movie, this actually happened, to a man, named Jesus.

Stop thinking this is just a fable that was handed down through history and realize that this was a human being, just like you and me, and he did something so unfathomable for you and me, when he didn’t have too!   We don’t even let people cut in front of us in a line without being upset.   Just take some time to truly allow your brain to imagine the sacrifice and Love that he has for you.

Now realize that the Door he died for you to walk through is open to you.   You don’t have to pay the price to walk through the door; you just have to walk through it.  There is nothing that you can do to repay Jesus for his sacrifice.  There is no work great enough to cleanse even you of your sin.  All Jesus is asking you to do is Believe.  Believe in Him.  Believe that He loved you oh so much that He died for you.  Believe that He has a life planned for you.  That He wants to know you and for you to know him.  Believe that He wants to be a part of every aspect in your life.  Believe that you are able to partake of the glorious life He wants you to have. 

Come to Him.  Walk through that Door that he has opened for you.  Become a follower of Jesus, and enter into his rest.   It’s not hard.  You don’t have to do more than confess it with your mouth and believe it in your heart, and your life as a follower of Jesus has begun.  You will then have accepted what he paid dearly for you to have… I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)!

Pray this simple prayer and begin your new life!

Dear Father

Thank you for Jesus.  Thank you for the sacrifice Jesus made, for me, on the cross.  Thank you Lord for sending your one, unique son, to die so that I may have life, for eternity, with you, in Heaven.  Lord, I believe that you sent your son to die on the cross for me.  To shed his blood for me, so that my sins are forever more forgiven and forgotten.  I ask you God to come into my life and change me Lord.  Send your Holy Spirit to come and live in me and change me from the Inside out.  I commit my life to you God and I thank you that my name is now written in the Lambs Book of Life.  I thank you God that I am now yours and you are now mine, and I am never walking alone in this life.  I ask for all of these things in Jesus’ Name.  Amen. 

 

The Middle... The Middle... The Middle...

I’ve never been a good test taker; I would get full of fear and anxiety which prohibited me from truly excelling at taking tests.  When I was in College I would watch my friends cram for tests and after an hour or two go take the test and pass with flying colors.  Me on the other hand I would study hard and barely squeak by with an average grade. 

I became frustrated and felt defeated that I was not able to excel in my schooling, which lead me quickly to just give up.  Now, thankfully, God didn’t give up on me.  God knew that he had a life outside of College planned for me.  A life where I would excel and he would give me every single tool I needed to have a strong career.

I didn’t know that as an eighteen year old freshman, trying very hard to maintain a C average.  I still don’t do well with test taking, many years later, and I thank God that he has put me in a career where my personality has nothing to do with my ability to take tests. 

All of this came to my memory tonight as I was taking my time to read the Bible and pray.  I began reading the sixth chapter of John, as I have decided prayerfully, to start understanding the Love of God, so that I am firmly planted in God’s Love and allow that to birth new things into my life.  

As I was reading John 6:5-6, where Jesus had just asked Phillip where they could buy bread to feed the mass of people that had gathered to hear Jesus speak.  In verse six Jesus said he asked Phillip where to buy the bread to feed the crowd to prove (test) him, for Jesus well knew what He was about to do.

I chuckled to myself thinking about all the hours, tears and frustration spent during my school years to just get passing grades so I could play sports.  I thought, as I have many times throughout my journey with God, that he must have a sense of humor.   God already knew back then when I’d beg him to help me pass my tests that I was going to be fine and he already knew exactly what he was going to do with and in my life.

The torment that we put ourselves through trying to figure out what our purpose is or what career are we supposed to have, when we grow up.   I am very blessed that I have a career that I truly enjoy.  I am thankful that I was able to be lead to this career and I recognize that God has given me the ability to do my job daily.   If I could go back to that High School student I’d say ease up a bit, it’s all going to work out, just do your best, life might have been a little easier on me.

God will allow these tests to come into our lives knowing all along what the outcome is going to be.  I think that’s another reason why I believe God has a sense of humor.  You are testing me already knowing what I am going to do.  Nothing that I have done has been a surprise to God.  There is nothing that I have said, thought, done or have not done, that he is surprised about, so why test me then?

If we know that God already has the answers to all of our tests, then the tests must be for us.  We must need the tests that he allows to come into our lives.   These tests must be a way at either strengthening us, changing us or a way to bring us closer to Him.  It truly could be a mixture of all three; again, God has a sense of humor.   That’s why it hurts us so much to go through these tests, because we are humans striving to be the best that we can be, we want to pass the test and pass it quickly, so we can move on to the next test.  We want the gold star and high five as quickly as possible, but that’s not how it works. 

There are no letter grades in God’s world.  There is only pass and fail.  You either learn the lesson and move on, or you didn’t learn the lesson, and you get to try again until you do.    This is part of the struggle.  Our flesh wants to move quickly through the test and receive a passing grade and get on with life, but that’s not how we are going to learn. 

We are only going to learn by the going through.  You can’t bypass anything in God’s economy.  If you try to find a short cut through the process you can be sure to find yourself standing at the place you had once started but this time with some battle wounds that are self-inflicted, by the way. 

The going through, is what is so hard.  The beginning and end of the test isn’t the hard part, it’s the middle, it’s the day by day, going through time that makes you want to fall to your knees and weep. 

In the beginning of the test, you are excited; you are ready to go, let’s tackle this test and learn what we need to learn here.  Depending on how intense your lesson is and your attitude towards the test, will dictate how long the test will last.  If you are like me and have some issues with patience, your test may be a long one, and the bigger the test, the longer, the harder and the more painful the going through is.

Ending a test is just as easy as starting one.  At the end you are so happy that it’s over and you are seeing not only the light at the end of the tunnel but you are seeing sky from the end of the tunnel that pure adrenaline is keeping you persevering through to the end.  You also know that at the end you get to tell people you’re done, and share your testimony so that’s pretty easy again.

Back to the middle.  The middle, is brutal. The middle is sometimes white knuckling it through the day or even just through the moment.  The middle can be when you want to spend the day in bed and pull the covers way over your head and just hide.  The middle is also the time when the enemy will begin to play with your emotions, if you let him.  This is the time when you will start to hear all the negative things about your test.  How you will never make it through, how God obviously, doesn’t love you or care for you, if he is making you suffer like this…  The list goes on and on and hopefully, by this time, we have learned to not fall victim to the lies of the enemy.  

What if you haven’t learned or been able to block out the lies that Satan will tell you, what do you do then?  If you are like me you cry, pray, cry, read, pray, and then realize after a period of time, this is a choice.  I have the choice to decide to have Faith in God or stay miserable.   Usually I am able to be rational and choose to have Faith in God and my joy returns.  Now, there are times when I want to be self-indulgent and impatient and stay in the place of darkness, why I do this to myself I will never understand, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t. 

These are the times when I want to stay in bed and hide from the world, including myself.  These are the times when I am silent.  Silent with God, silent with myself and silent to the people around me.  Silence for me is not a positive thing.  Silence can represent giving up for some people, as it usually does for me.  It means that I have come to the end of myself and am unsure of what or where I should go.  If you ever find yourself in this space, which I really hope you don’t, this is the space where you have to fight.  You have to start to speak back to the voice in your head telling you to give up! 

This is not your voice, though it may sound like it and this is not the voice of your God.  This is the voice of your enemy and if he is working on you this hard, there must be a reason for it.   Our hardest tests come before our biggest victories.  The devil is going to work extra hard on the person he knows is going to do big things for God.   You might not even understand that thought right now, but think about it.  Would you spend your time trying to attack someone who wasn’t bound for victory?  I wouldn’t.

Speak to your thoughts and tell them how big your God is.  Tell them that they have no control over your mind.  Tell them that you belong to Jesus!  Speak life to your evil thoughts and see how quickly your mood will change. 

This is one of the ways to pass a God given test.   God’s tests are actually pretty easy if we think about it.  All we have to do is keep our eyes on God, do as he tells us to do and we will pass the test, get our gold star and quickly start sharing our testimony with others.  

When you are in the middle of your testing time, keep in mind, and maybe this will give you some solace, that just like Jesus knew in John 6:6 how the test that he was giving Phillip would end, he also knows how your test will end.  Trust him that he will not only help you get through all phases of test taking, but that he will even give you the answers! 

Good Wine

There are many times God will withhold a blessing from you because you aren’t quite ready for it.  These are the times when patience (the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast) is stretched to the point of breaking.   

There are many times when we want something so badly that it actually seems to control our minds and emotions.  If we had the power to bring the thing we are hoping for forth by ourselves we would do so in an instance.  These are the times that God can use to change you. 

God knows what the desires of your heart are and if you are praying to him he knows how strong the desire runs, he not only sees your heart but he hears your confession.   I think there are a couple reasons why God doesn’t always give us what we are praying for or hoping for.  I think that God knows that he can use you to grow in his ways and stretch your faith and patience.  I think that he knows he can use this as a way to grow your faith in him and I think he will use your desire to check how important he is to you. 

As I’ve said before God is a jealous God and he doesn’t just want your first fruit he wants your best fruit.  Just like Cain and Able.  Able delivered his best fruit, because God was in his heart and in his desires, so he wanted to please God by bringing him the best of what he had.  Cain was jealous of the admiration shown to Able by God; in a jealous, angry fit of rage he killed his brother.  What Cain failed to realize is that all he needed to do was give God the overflow of his heart, as Able did.  

Able wasn’t trying to one up his brother, but Cain had insecurities in himself and always compared himself to his brother Able.   When we compare ourselves to each other we will always fall short.  You were created to be unique, to be an individual.  God had purposed for there to be something different about you so that you can add that to the world.   Able was trying to do his best and show the abundance of love he had for God, because of Cain’s insecurity, and need to be in competition, he committed the first murder,  that murder being of his younger brother.   

I am sure that the rest of his days were spent in torment over his behavior and missing his brother so.  I am sure his heart longed for repentance and forgiveness from God, his brother and from his parents.   I wonder though if a person who is so focused on self can ever truly receive the grace that we have all been given. 

There are many times we will be told to wait on the Lord and the waiting is just brutal.  It sometimes can actually hurt.  If we do in fact, wait on the Lord, and receive his best wine for us how much happier would we be.     Don’t you think the time you spent in sadness or torment waiting to receive your breakthrough would seem petty and small. 

Wouldn’t we feel a little bit foolish that we lost so much of our time on something that God had planned for us anyway? 

God will always deliver, the real test is, and do we want to wait on his timing or go around and around the same mountain trying to learn the same lesson.   In John 2:10 after Jesus had turned the water into wine; the “manager” went to the bridegroom and said you have saved the best wine for the last.   Normally, they would serve the best wine first, I am guessing to impress everyone, but as the party would be going along and people would begin to feel the effects of the wine, they would no longer care that the quality of the wine had deteriorated.

The manager was so impressed that the Bridegroom saved the best for last.  What they all don’t know is that they in fact ran out of wine and Jesus had turned the water into wine, which also happens to be his first sign of who he is.   When I was reading this verse this one line kept jumping out to me and I began to think does God in fact save the best for the person who waits?  The person who is patient, steadfast and preservers over every fleshly thought, emotion and desire.   Wouldn’t you think this person should be rewarded because they passed the test?

Now, I am not saying this is true for everyone.  Some people do not struggle with their faith or patience, but for the people that do, like me, wouldn’t you think this would be the ultimate reward.  

If God would come to you right now and say you have 365 days to wait and I am going to deliver you, the man above all men to your door, assuming you are single, wouldn’t you say OK!  Sign me up!! I’ll wait 365 days to have that!  You would be marking off your calendar, in marker, counting down the days for God to appear with your Husband.  Your dream Husband.  We wouldn’t have a problem waiting for that because we know an end date.  We know that this is going to be the outcome. 

But you see here is the problem… It doesn’t seem to happen like that.  What seems to happen is, God will put a desire in your heart that desire will grow and grow, and as it grows we become more impatient with every day.  And with that our Faith begins to get shaky and our confession starts to change.   This is about the time that we start to wonder if we did in fact hear from God, or is this actually possible to happen for me.

Now, what’s the difference in these two situations?  One, you are guaranteed a specific end and an end date.  With scenario two, all you know is that you think God gave you the desire that’s in your heart.   

With scenario one, we are confident, we are sure, we know this is going to happen.  Just like we know when we walk into a room and turn on the light switch the light is going to turn on, there is no doubt. 

With scenario two, we have an opening for interpretation, and a possibility for doubt, but what we also have is a place for the enemy to steal your mind.  

When you are not confident in something, such as Cain was not confident in himself, the enemy will take the opportunity to grow that thought and you now become overwrought by that thought.  This is why when we desire something so much we actually can feel the pain and torment of waiting, because we are in fact being tormented.   The enemy is spinning lies in your head, that we think are our thoughts, and growing the seed of doubt in God in our flesh.   

This is how many of us choose to handle waiting.  I know I have!   Our minds are like an open door for Satan to move in and set up camp.   The more time that goes by, the more we start to listen to the words that Satan is giving to us, and drown out the words we are hearing from God. 

Usually what happens is we give up.  We throw our hands in the air and say I guess this isn’t meant for me and walk away, now what just happened, is that Satan has blocked you from a blessing and a breakthrough.    We now get the opportunity to go around this mountain again because we didn’t learn the lesson the first time.

Do we realize there is another way we can turn?  Do we realize there is another option?  Instead of looking at ourselves and what we lack, what we can do about the situation that we are in, why don’t we look at God and what he has to bring to the situation?  When you look at God you see the fullness of who he is and what he can do for you, and your situation.  When you focus on God you stop focusing on yourself.  This doesn’t mean that you don’t still feel the desire and still want the Husband, this just means you won’t have to feel the pressure of waiting on your shoulders. 

When you spend time reading God’s word, meditating on God’s word and spending time in God’s presence you aren’t looking at what you lack.   When we have confidence, in what we should have confidence in, like Able, we will no longer be worried about what we lack, our faith and confidence will grow in God.

When we bring God our best fruit, we are saying to God I have confidence that what I am giving you, you are going to use to bring blessings back to me.   When we remember that our confidence is not in ourselves, but in the one who created us, then we no longer need to be worried about giving up, being let down or patience, because all of those things are in the hands of the Lord. 

As we begin to give God our best fruit, it is going to be a learning process, don’t think, because you set your mind for this to happen, that it’s going to happen overnight.  No, you need to bring this to God in prayer.  You need to ask God to strengthen you and prepare you for the battle that lies ahead.  You need to stay in God’s word and his presence and keep that life line of communication open between you and God, at all times.   This will be a struggle, for some people, but just imagine at the end, when the breakthrough comes, when the doorbell rings and there God is standing with “good wine” for you.   

God is saving the Good Wine for you.  He is saving the best for the ones who pass the test.  Instead of letting the mountain defeat you, you will say to the mountain move… 

God is saving the best for the person who delights in him.  Who casts their care on him, knowing that he is able and willing to bare the load of your pain?   He is waiting once again to be the one you choose first.  

Once we do this and we receive growth and change this will be under our feet.  We will not have to struggle with this, like you have in the past, because you will know where to go in a time of struggle or waiting.  You will no longer try to take that problem on by yourself, you will run to the arms of your Father, and say here Father, here are my worries, my fears, my doubts and my burdens, take them… take them all.  Your trust and confidence will be fully in the Lord, he will be glorified by your testimony and your worship for him, and you will now have received his “Good Wine”.

What are you Certain of

I am certain of very few things in this life.  Probably so few as I can count them on one hand, if I needed too.  The one thing that I am certain of is that I need Jesus.  I need him like I need air to breathe.  Jesus is a vital necessity for me.  One of the other things that I am certain of is that I need to have God and the Holy Spirit in my life as well.  I can’t have one without having the other two. 

I had walked this life for many years having a knowing that there is a God and that he loves me but not knowing that I could have a personal relationship with God.  Now that I know this, I crave it, I seek for it, and I hunger for it.   If I go to long without speaking to God and spending time with him I feel like there is something missing from my body.

My relationship with God comes before any other relationship in my life.  This is the number one most important thing in my life.  My relationship with God overrides my relationship with my Mother, my friends and even boyfriends.  It is more important than my job or any material possession I may acquire.

God is my everything and I try to tell him that throughout my every day.  It has taken me some time to get to this understanding of how deeply I need God in my life, but I am so thankful that I am there.

My path to finding God is a familiar path, but unique to me.  My understanding of how desperate I am to have Jesus reveals itself to me daily.  I am never finished learning the desire I have and deep need I have to know God intimately.  This comes after many years of trying to understand what was missing within me.

I have struggled with self-esteem issues all of my life.  I have had moments of wanting to end my life, moments of loving my life and many moments of uncertainty in between.   I have lived a life that is all too common of a story now of sexual abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, abandonment and rejection. 

My life is a series of bad mistakes that were made for me and many bad mistakes I made for myself.   But I know and have no doubt that the best decision I ever made happened in my early twenties watching a Joyce Meyer program and accepting Jesus into my life.   I had been searching for something that was missing.  There was no amount of alcohol, drugs, sex, food, money or possessions that could fill what was missing inside of me. 

I wasn’t raised in a God focused home but I knew that God existed and I knew that I believed in him, he just wasn’t topic of conversation in my home.  I began searching for something to fill this sadness that was inside of me.  I was searching for a way to feel loved and accepted, a feeling I never had growing up.  Outside of my relationship with my Grandmother, I never felt loved unconditionally and I wanted that feeling so badly.

I craved safety and security because I never had those things growing up.  I craved a life that gave me purpose for being alive.   I have always had a knowing that the horrible things that happened in my life happened for a reason, and that I would someday, hopefully, be able to help someone else heal from their brokenness. 

When I found God, you know because he was hiding from me, but when I found him I felt a sense of understanding and healing but it wasn’t enough for me and I didn’t understand why for many years.   What I now know is I tried to put God into my box and not live inside of his.  I was saved, yes, I loved God, yes but I didn’t feel any overwhelming sense of completion or freedom that I kind of thought I would feel.  I actually felt the same. 

Fast forward many years and here I was again trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  What am I missing?  I had another failed relationship and was having a very hard time dealing with the break up and a friend started to talk to me more in detail about God.   I started watching television programs and casually reading books based on God’s word.   I was also attending counseling to try and heal from the trauma of my childhood.

One of the other things I know for certain is, God won’t force himself on you and he will only go as deep with you as you want him to go.  I was having a very surface relationship with God for many years, which is why I never felt different.  Which is why I never felt healed on the inside.  I was, and still am to a point, carrying around the pain of my life. 

I decided that I was going to actually have a relationship with God, a personal me and God relationship.  I was going to go deeper and try to figure out why this isn’t changing me.  I’ve seen the changes in other people but why not for me.   I made a commitment internally to myself that I was going to know God.  I was going to understand him the best I can and have him understand me.

 I rededicated myself to God and prayed the prayer of salvation again and said this is it. I am going to do this.  I started purposing time for me and God in my every day.  I started to read more and started to read the Bible.  I started going to church and watching daily television programs based on God’s word.  I dove in head first, and I am so very thankful I am. 

I can’t tell you that I am fully healed, I can’t tell you that I walk without any problems, I can’t tell you that my life is perfect or that I have all that I need.  I can’t say that I don’t cry from things either going wrong in my life or not happening at all in my life.  I can’t tell you that I never sin and I can’t tell you that I am 100% complete in my transformation. 

BUT here is what I can tell you.  I am loved.  I am worthy.  I am valued.  I am a person with a purpose.  I am proud of who I am becoming.  I am kinder.  I am more patient.  I am more loving.  I am forgiving.  I am a better friend.  I am a better daughter.  I am a better co-worker.  I am a better girlfriend.  I will be a better wife, when that happens and I will be a good mom, when that happens as well.   I have love for people I never had before.  I have empathy for people I never had before.  I am a blessed person.  I am highly favored.  I am victorious.  I have a hope I never knew before.  I am God’s child and I am in love with God.

I am sharing this with you today because maybe somehow you stumbled across this blog and you too are having doubts, fears or are searching for something more to your life than what it is.  I want you to know that the thing you are searching for is God.  

We are created to be connected and to be connected to God.  We desire to have that connection with the one who created us.   I am not going to tell you that your life will instantly change, maybe for you it could, but it didn’t for me.  I had to put as much effort into knowing God as I do into knowing a friend.  But the difference here is its 100% reciprocated from God.   You give to him and he will give you back more. 

Jesus says in John 6:35 that he is the Bread of Life.  He who comes to me will never be hungry, and he who believes in and cleaves to and trust in and relies on Me will never thirst any more.

This doesn’t mean that you won’t feel physically hungry or physically thirsty.  What this means is that feeling of not being connected to something bigger and stronger than you.  That feeling of being hopeless and always looking for something to satisfy you, that feeling will be quieted by knowing Jesus. 

There is a God size hole in everyone walking around who does not know the Lord and his goodness.  I am telling you today that I am living proof that having a relationship with God will change the way you live your life.   It’s not something to be afraid of and it’s not something to be taken lightly. 

This relationship should be the relationship you value above anything else in your life and if you do as Jesus has instructed us to do, in John 6:35 you will see a change in your life.   You will see who you are today and who you are after you dedicate your life to God and wonder why didn’t I make this decision years ago.   I know I do!! 

If you haven’t accepted Jesus into your life here is a simple prayer that you can read out loud right now and take the first step in changing your life.

Dear Father

Thank you for Jesus.  Thank you for the sacrifice Jesus made, for me, on the cross.  Thank you Lord for sending your one, unique son, to die so that I may have life, for eternity, with you, in Heaven.  Lord, I believe that you sent your son to die on the cross for me.  To shed his blood for me, so that my sins are forever more forgiven and forgotten.  I ask you God to come into my life and change me Lord.  Send your Holy Spirit to come and live in me and change me from the Inside out.  I commit my life to you God and I thank you that my name is now written in the Lambs Book of Life.  I thank you God that I am now yours and you are now mine, and I am never walking alone in this life.  I ask for all of these things in Jesus’ Name.  Amen.