Are you comfortable?

I have never been a big fan of mystery novels or even a who done it television show, so just imagine, if you can, my excitement when God decided to take me on this current journey.

I come from, please notice I said I come from, not I am, a place of abuse, so I crave stability and routine.  I always have.  I never could quite understand why I was a creature not only of habit, but of even the smallest routines, and when one of them was thrown off of course, it was enough to send my entire day into a tail spin. 

I desired, craved, sought after routine, stability, that feeling of being normal and safe.   I can count on one hand the people in my life that have made me feel safe and protected, so just imagine how intensely I hung on to each one of them.   I never understood that the reason why I needed stability to such a large degree was because I grew up amongst chaos.

I used to love going to my grandmother's house because I knew exactly what I was getting.  I knew if she wasn’t there that there would be a note telling me where she was, and when she expected to be home.  There was no element of surprise with her, and I loved that! 

Now that I have set the scene, so to speak, I can enter into where I am going with all of this.   On February 2^nd God decided to pull the rug out from underneath my spiritual feet, when He started to reveal to me the direction that He wanted my life to go in.

Now, I should say, I am a church goer, a Bible reader, a Spiritual book reader, a prayer, a television preacher watcher, but I was comfortable in all of those things.  I was very content in the routine I had established for me and God.  I would get up, pray, thank God for the day, get ready for work, watch Joyce Meyer and Creflo Dollar as I was getting ready, and then leave for work.  As I was driving to work I would ask God to bless by day and to help me do this day to the best of my ability.  Oh, and I always asked God to watch over my house and protect my girls, while I was gone. 

I was really happy with this.  I was comfortable.  I felt like I was getting from God what I needed and He was getting from me what He needed.  I was saved and a believer but I was good with my level of commitment.

And back to February 2^nd… this day will forever go down as one of the days that changed my life.   On this particular day everything was normal. Routine in full effect and then as I was drying my hair I felt a need to pray.  I felt an overwhelming desire to pray and to pray for my ex-boyfriend, who I knew was struggling at the time.

I was obedient to the feeling I had inside of me and sat on the floor of my bedroom and began to pray the prayer I had been praying for him, since December 1^st, when the shift started in our relationship.  In the midst of this prayer time, I felt a strong pulling to grab my phone and go to the note section and begin to write.  I didn’t know what I was writing.  I knew the words that were coming to me, but I had no idea what they meant.  I didn’t know what was happening and wasn’t able to really think on my own, and before I knew it, in a matter of minutes, I had written the paragraphs that started me on this journey.

I sat there on the floor of my bedroom and wept.  My close Godly friend was on a much needed vacation and I couldn’t call her, so I just prayed, God please have her call me!  I didn’t know what just happened but I knew as surely as I have ever known anything that God just spoke to me and in His speaking He revealed His plan for me.

Spooky, crazy and sure… I know you will never be able to say words about this that I have not said myself, trust me!   I read and re-read the words, that sounded nothing at all like me and to be honest some of them I had to look up because I didn’t fully grasp their entire meaning, and now that I was being told these things personally, I better know what they mean. 

I will never in my entire life forget that moment!  I will never forget how it felt when God turn my life upside down.   It has been a very difficult road these past couple months, and I have cried more tears than I care to remember, but I’ve never been closer to God in my life.  I’ve never desired for the things I now desire for, and I never thought some of the things I am currently doing, or attempting to do, would have any association with me.

I say all of this, or some of my story, because trust me there is soooo much more to come on this front!  But I say this because God has a knack, a habit, a talent for taking the person who was comfortable where they were and pulling them into an area they never desired to be.

Jesus took Saul, from his comfortable life, filled with hate, evil, anger and disdain, and flipped it upside down, so much that Saul had to have a new name.  Saul’s old man had changed in such an amazing way he couldn’t identify with his old name, and God knew that and he became Paul. 

I am sure if you would have spoken to Saul before the road to Damascus he would have told you a very similar story that I just have.  He would have told you that he was content.  He was satisfied with what he was doing… but you see it doesn’t matter if we are satisfied with what we are doing, if God isn’t.

When Jesus revealed Himself to Ananias in Acts 9, do you think Ananias was overjoyed with the task to go heal Saul?  I wouldn’t think he would be.  This was the person who had hurt, killed and chained so many Christ followers, that I am sure all he wanted to do was stay away from Saul.  In fact Ananias tries to explain himself to Jesus in verse 13.  But Ananias answered, Lord, I have heard many people tell about this man, especially how much evil and what great suffering he has brought on Your saints in Jerusalem: (14) Now he is here and has authority from the high priests to put in chains all who call upon Your name.

These two verses, to me, are Ananias way of trying to change God’s mind.  He wanted God to let him stay in his comfort zone.  He was happy being a disciple and bringing people to know Jesus, but please don’t call me to help heal a man who has brought pain to your followers.   Granted, this is a little more of an extreme example, but the underlying truth is still there.  God called him out.

We see the response in Acts 9:15.  But the Lord said to him, Go, for this man is a chosen instrument of Mine to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and the descendants of Israel.

Ananias did as he was told, and he went to Saul.  He was obedient to the calling of His Lord and Savior.  Ananias didn’t follow the directions he received for himself, he followed them because he loves God and God had called on Him for help.

You never know when God is going to call your name, tug on your heart or change your desires, but it’s probably going to happen to us all, at some point.  The difference is how we respond.  Are we going to respond by staying trapped in our routines, as I was, or are you going to respond by staying trapped in your hate, as Saul was, or are you going to respond by staying trapped in your fear, as Ananias was?

The similarity here in the three of these stories, and yes, I do realize I am comparing my journey to those of Saul and Ananias, but the similarity here is, we didn’t stay trapped in our gut reactions or what we were.  We stepped out.

God called our names individually and said here is the purpose I have for you today, tomorrow, or for next year, but this is the plan I have for you, I need you to complete it. 

I guarantee you that God will turn your life upside down, if you give Him the chance too.  I promise you that one day you too will be thinking, how did this happen, I was comfortable with where I was.   Comfortable seems to be a code word for God and it doesn’t mean the same thing to Him that it means to us.  Comfortable to God means, it’s time to shake things up a bit… I think they are ready and can handle it!

So I ask you... Are you Comfortable?