Why do we make Jesus prove himself to
us? Why is it that we need sign after
sign after sign to make sure that we are hearing from God? Just like Gideon, we keep asking God for
signs to show us that we are actually hearing from him. Gideon, first asked God if he had the right
person to complete his task, then Gideon asked him to show him a sign, in which
God did, and then he asked him to show him two more times that he was in fact
hearing from God.
I personally understand this as my
spirit says one thing but my head tells me another. There is witness that comes to my soul when I
am hearing from God. There is a peace
that enters into me, a calmness that washes over me, but in a matter of moments
that has gone, and fear creeps in to steal the moment that I was just sharing
with my Heavenly Father. I set myself
to fulfill the task God has asked me to complete but the entire way I am
hearing negative things in my head.
Just like Nathanael, I have moments of
doubts. I have moments where it seems as
if it is completely impossible for what God has called me to do, for it to
actually happen, and then I set myself on course, to do my part, and let God do
the rest.
A lot of times I will reach out to my
good friends or my mom to help steer me back on course. I find it quite ironic, as one of my good
friends will say, that the people who love me, know me the best can believe something
for me, that I have a hard time believing for myself. A lot of times I will rely on their faith to
strengthen my own.
It has just occurred to me in this very moment
that is exactly what God is asking me to do.
God is asking me to allow his strength to strengthen my Faith. I
wonder why it’s so difficult for us to completely fall into the arms of
God. Why do we have such a hard time
believing, relying and trusting God?
Jesus asked this very same thing in a
rhetorical question to Nathanael. When
Nathanael came to meet Jesus, for the first time, he was quizzical and unsure
of where he stood in his belief, that Phillip, Andrew and Peter had in fact
found the Son of God. I personally
don’t doubt that Jesus existed. I don’t
doubt that he died a very painful death for me and my sins. I don’t doubt that Jesus loves me. I don’t doubt that the Holy Spirit lives
inside of me, but I do have some questions, when it comes to how everything is
going to come together.
Hearing from God can be a very profound
moment. There are many emotions and
thoughts to being a relatively new hearer of God. At first it started with just a few words
here and there, and not anything really specific, other than I will take care
of you. As time went by the few words
turned into many words, and the many words turned into sentences, and the
sentences grew into paragraphs and pages.
I never really, and still don’t know, what I am going to receive when I
look back at the pages I just typed on either my computer or iPhone. The one thing I do know, for certain, is
that I am not hearing from the enemy.
I have prayed for some time now, to have
wisdom, understanding and for God to speak to me on what I should be doing with
my life. I have prayed to the Holy
Spirit to use me and to give me insight, understanding of what I was reading,
or just direction as to what is happening in my life. I have also prayed for the Holy Spirit to
speak to me and to convict me when I am out of God’s will for my life.
So at this point you are saying, so why
then are you surprised that you hear from God?
I don’t know how to answer that other than, I just am. Every time it happens, I sit in wonder that
God of the universe has just spoke to me.
That the God, the Creator, My Lord has just given me insight, wisdom and
direction for my life. I kind of feel
like God should be too busy to worry about my relationships and what is going
to happen with them. But then I remember
God knows all things. God knows, and
wants to hear from me, what is happening with every facet of my life. And he really wants to be included in the
things that will directly affect my life with him, which is everything.
It is true, God is a jealous God. He wants you all to himself, but not in a
selfish way. He wants you to make time
for him. To share your life with him,
from the biggest thing that happened that day, to the very smallest thing that
happened. He wants you to talk to him
all day long. He wants not only to be
thanked for what he has given you but he also wants to know what your desires
are. He wants to know when your soul is
hurting or when something has you so angry you could have a very fleshly
moment.
He wants to know everything.
There are many times that something has
happened in my life that has upset me or brought me joy, and the first thing I
do is call my friends. I think maybe
that hurts God. I think God wants to be
the first phone call. I think before we
call our BFF God wants to know how you feel.
Give him the chance to give you direction and help you sort out whatever
the feelings may be.
God wants to be our best friend. He wants to be our everything and when we
seek God, we will be guaranteed to find him.
He is not hiding from us but he will also not push himself on you. He wants to be your first choice. He wants to know when you are married, have
kids and a busy life that you will still take those moments out of your life to
spend with him. He doesn’t want the
crumbs he wants the cake! He wants all
of you.
God will ask you to do things at times
that are so outside of your comfort zone that it seems impossible for you to do.
I think that he does that because it is
impossible for you to do. He gives us
these tasks that stretch us beyond ourselves, because then we have to go to him,
to do them for us. He will put you in a
situation that there is no possible way for you to get out of so you have to
take your hands off of it and let God work.
The hard part, at least if you are anything like me, is the waiting and
having Faith for the wait.
Faith is not a feeling that we slip in
and out of. Faith is a decision. I am deciding to stand in Faith for this
situation. I am deciding to stand in
Faith for this promotion or I am deciding to stand in Faith for this
relationship. Some days will be easier
than others and then there will be days where you wonder if you even have
enough Faith to spell the word Faith. I
believe that God knows this going into the trial. He knows that this is going to stretch your
spirit and kill your flesh, so if he knows that, he knows what you can and
can’t deal with.
You know the saying “God doesn’t give
you more than you can handle”. Well I
think that is true, but I think there is a secret inside of that saying, and I
think it’s God knows how much, he can stretch your faith to kill your flesh
that you can handle. We hear these
sayings as if it’s to make everything shiny and new and you get this ump of I
can do it power and really, all it does is remind you that God is in
control.
For those of you like me, control is a
hard thing to relinquish. It’s hard to
say to someone, even God at times, here you go. Here is my problem, take it, change it,
remove it, mold it or change me, but please do something with it. We really have ourselves convinced that we
can do everything, like we are mini Jesus’s walking around in our own
lives. Which we are not, just so you
know. God is God, Jesus is Jesus and the
Holy Spirit is the Holy Spirit. I don’t
see anywhere in the Bible that it say’s oh, and there was this fourth all-knowing
person named Tonya, she was the only person capable of handling all of her
problems. I like to think, that’s what
the Bible says, but God has a wonderful way of reminding me that is just not
possible, and nowhere close to being true.
Faith, confidence, trust and
surrendering are all kind of the same things to me. You can’t really have one without the other
and if you are going to dabble with one of them, you are only going to dabble
with all of them. My challenge to
myself, with God’s Grace, Mercy and Supernatural Strength, is to be enveloped
in all of those wonderful gifts of God.
I want them to be second nature for me.
I want to get to the point where something happens, and I immediately
think, God. I know that God will take
care of this and I am going to have Faith, Confidence, Trust and Surrender to
the one who knows more than I.
Until that day comes, and it’s coming
upon me quickly, my flesh will still be stretched and killed daily, but my hope
is that it won’t hurt as much as each day goes by.
My prayer is that I remember that, God
is the God of the impossible and there is no weapon formed against me that will
prosper, that he is the light upon my feet.
I pray that I remember the fundamentals of God, know that with every
step and every tear that falls, God will be there on the other end of my 911
call to Heaven waiting to help me walk through them all.
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